18 Men Reveal The Biggest White Lies They've Told Their Wives
"I’ve lied about changing the thermostat more times than I’ve taken breaths at this point."
Getty Images Can we all just admit that, no matter how honest some of us are, we are all guilty of resorting to white lies? Tiny fibs save our loved ones’ feelings, save ourselves time and face, and often get us out of a lot more trouble than necessary.
We exchange white lies in every relationship we encounter from saying “I’m fine!” when a stranger asks how we’re doing to smiling and nodding when a child asks us if we still believe in Santa. Marriage is no different.
YourTango asked husbands to confess the “biggest” white lies husbands tell their wives.
Here, 18 men reveal the biggest white lie they've told their wives:
1. That I don’t mind that stupid ankle tattoo she got that supposedly matches one on her ex.
"She’s had it for 15 years, but every time I look at it I feel like she’s been branded."
2. That I like this current haircut of hers.
"I hate it, but she loves it, so there’s no reason to say anything about it unless I just feel like being a jerk who wants to make someone I love feel bad."
3. That I don't spend that much money fixing up my car.
"This one might not be a white lie because it’s gone on for a couple of years, but she thinks I spend way less money on my 'project' car than I actually do."
4. That I like her best friend.
"She thinks I like her best friend. I really, really don’t. There’s no evidence to support that, though, because I’ve been a saint."
5. That I watched all of Orange is the New Black in my spare time so she wouldn’t make me watch it with her.
"I learned the characters’ names and read some recaps online so I can make general comments. Whenever she wanted to talk about specifics, I just said stuff like 'Okay, I didn’t see any of that coming' or 'Oh my god, the social commentary is so important,' and let her talk about it as much as she wanted. Now, I feel like I actually have watched all of it."
6. That I never masturbated at her parents' house.
"My wife thinks that I think it would be disgusting for me to jerk it at her parent's house and that I would never ever do such a thing... and it’s certainly not the reason I turn in a little early while everyone is still up socializing every night."
7. That my sex number is low.
"She thinks I’ve only been with five women. I’ve been with upwards of forty."
8. That I like her green beans.
"I love green beans, but I hate the way she cooks them. So for some forty-odd years, I haven’t ordered green beans when we go out because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. It just ain’t worth fighting about."
9. That I get out of work at a certain time.
"I told my wife that I get off work at 6 PM every day. I don’t. I get off at 5 PM and have one beer all by myself in peace and quiet before I get home to her and the kids. On Fridays, I have two. This has saved my sanity — and maybe our marriage — over the last ten years."
10. That I don't touch the thermostat.
"I’ve lied about changing the thermostat more times than I’ve taken breaths at this point."
11. That the lawn mower was broken.
"I told her the lawn mower was broken and that Home Depot wasn’t going to get the part I needed to fix it for another 5 days. Alright, in my defense, it was 98 degrees outside, I always do the yard work, and I just needed a break. Also, it was not a riding mower."
12. That I've only ever been with women.
"Not technically a lie, but my wife doesn’t know I had a gay phase like, right before we met... like a whole year-long gay phase. Um, no further questions."
13. That I wouldn't sleep with her friends.
"My wife doesn’t need to know that I’d sleep with a couple of her friends if given the chance. I don’t believe the chances will ever happen (I’m certainly not going to initiate them myself!), so when she’s asked, 'Do you think ___ is hot?' I’ve always done some 'Not really' thing. If the opportunity presented itself, I’d be all in, though."
14. That I get the kids to bed on time.
"Oh, I have never, EVER gotten the kids to bed on time when I’m left alone with them overnight. I think my best time was thirty minutes past bedtime."
15. That I respect her privacy.
"She thinks I don’t know her passwords to stuff, but I do and I’ll look around to make sure she’s staying legit every once in a while. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I catch her cheating but I haven’t had to worry about it yet."
16. That she's the best sex I've had.
"My wife is not the best sex I’ve ever had — not even close. But I still loved her enough to marry her, so why bring it up?"
17. That I didn't lie about going to a concert.
"A long time ago, I went to a weekend concert with a friend of mine in NYC, but I told her we were just hanging at his new-at-the-time house or something. It was such a good show but I can never talk about it because I’m scared she’ll flip out even though, knowing her, she’s probably known this whole time."
18. That her engagement ring is real diamonds.
"Her engagement ring is one of those synthetic diamonds, so she thinks it cost a whole lot more than it really did."
Liz Pardue-Schultz is a writer and activist who writes about mental illness, recovery, and parenting. Her work has appeared in Huffington Post, Time Magazine, XOJane, Ravishly, and ThoughtCatalog.