3 Ways To Get Back In The Mood For Sex — Even When You're Pretty Much Over It
Actually, especially then.
Renata Schaitza on Unsplash I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions.
I’ve always been an immediate gratification gal and didn’t make the yearly over-promise because it always seemed too high-aiming and unachievable in a satisfying amount of time … at least for this impatient writer.
Yet, I can’t deny there is some wisdom in making a resolution and sticking to it, whether you do it on January 1 or on any other day of the year. The discipline and drive it takes to make a commitment to immediately improve your own life seems, to me, a great way to improve your well-being and health overall.
This year, I decided to take that principle to heart. I was determined to improve one thing in my life pronto and I knew exactly what that was. I would figure out how to increase my libido and enjoy having sex again.
Over the past few months, I'd become all too aware that my sex life had moved to the back burner in relation to other parts of my life. After my divorce, I had vowed never to let my sex life suffer again, and yet here I was, letting it suffer.
That was it. No more sitting around. I decided it was time to figure out how to get myself back in the mood and improve my sexual attitude — immediately.
But where to start?
Here are 3 steps I took to increase my libido, enjoy having sex again, improve my sexual attitude and get back in the mood.
1. Meditate: Figure out your basic need that’s not being met.
I turned off all electronic devices (gasp!) and began to search my soul for the answer I knew was buried in me. How could I re-energize my sex life?
Frustrated, I picked up one of my favorite books on sexuality, "Women’s Anatomy of Arousal" by Sheri Winston. Bingo!
All I had to do was read these lines under the heading "Whole Sex — Macro to Micro":
“Your sexuality is about your connection to everyone and everything around you … you are a sexual being not a sexual ‘doing.’ Sex is not just something you do — it’s a fundamental and inseparable part of who you are.”
This really resonated with me. My lack of importance placed on sex recently was the loss of focus on how it makes me feel when I’m connected to my sexual self. When I’m having great sex my senses are more astute, my mood is elevated and my interaction with others is more positive and engaging.
I missed all of those feelings and wanted them back.
2. Enumerate: Identify three ways to achieve your new goal.
I love to make lists, but I can get carried away and end up overwhelming myself with steps and procedures to follow. So, I kept it simple and limited myself to choosing three things I could do to change my sexual attitude.
For me, the best first step is to do my research. Research always gets me excited about my topic and it’s a way my inner “know-it-all” gets exercised. In my fact-finding mission, I came up with three ways to encourage my sexual attitude to grow and become more diverse.
The personal list I created looks like this:
- Something I’ve wanted to learn — orgasmic meditation.
- Something I’ve wanted to become better at — the art of the lingam (i.e., penis) massage.
- Something I’ve been putting off — finding a new, like-minded lover to practice with.
Great! I had my list, now I had to take the leap and start the journey.
3. Participate: Take the quickest action possible toward achieving your selected goals.
This is perhaps the most challenging part of any change, the actual dirty work (pardon the pun). However, the most important aspect of this last step is not to delay.
I resolved to tackle my chosen first step immediately. If I didn’t engage myself posthaste, chances were I’d keep putting it off.
When I found a local orgasmic meditation group on Meetup, I signed up for my first introduction that same week. Just taking that first step excited and inspired me to investigate other ways to encourage my inner sex goddess to express herself again.
I found my desire to pick up the Anais Nin book I had put down and was suddenly inspired to write more erotica.
The most surprising aspect of taking each of these three steps was how immediately I opened up my sensuality again.
I had a familiar sway to my step and lilt to my voice just from acknowledging and welcoming it back into the fold. I truly believe this small but powerful master-stroke toward changing my sexual attitude right away, opened me up to attract more like-minded partners and friends — people who support my new attitude and foster its growth.
At the time of this writing, I’m only eleven days into re-invigorating my sybaritic soul, but so far I’m very glad I actually made and followed through with these resolutions.
Now, if people ask me if I’ve ever made any New Year’s resolutions, I can simply intrigue them with the answer, “I’m changing my sexual attitude!” — as I skip off to practice orgasmic meditation, lingam massage and/or make-out with a new lover.
A singular voice in the sexual health community and a body acceptance thought-leader, Elle Chase is a sought after sex education/sexuality expert for such outlets as the Today show on NBC, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, The Huffington Post, Men’s Health and Buzzfeed. Chase is also the creator of the award-winning feminist sensual images blog LadyCheeky. Her much anticipated first book, “Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life,” is available now.