Follow THESE 5 Steps For TRULY Incredible Sex With Your Wife

Is there such a thing as bad sex?

When you're young or in a new relationship, your answer to that question is often "No!" 

Sex feels good, after all. It releases endorphins that give you a natural "high" and hormones that help you bond with your partner.

As long as the person you're with cares about your pleasure, sex is always going to be great. Right?

Not so fast!

People in long-term relationships know that great sex is not that simple. 

After all, it's just you and your partner ... forever. That's why the spark so often fades.

But is married sex doomed to be boring?

In our latest YourTango Expert video (you can watch it above!) John Gray, author of the best-selling book series Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, asserts that you CAN bring the spark back to a sexually stale relationship ... it just takes a little planning.

Here are five ways to have better sex with your wife or girlfriend:

1. Do some prep work. 

People often think sex has to be spontaneous to be great. 

But throw in a mortgage payment, two full time jobs, and a few kids, and spontaneous sex becomes a thing of the past. 

If you want to have great sex, you're going to need to plan ahead. 

Start by talking to your wife about what her fantasy date would look like.

Listen to her ideas, and then think about them for a few days. Investigate what is possible for you to do, and then start making some plans. 

2. Take charge and make it happen.

Remember when you two first met, and you put a lot of time and energy into making her happy?

It's no coincidence that you also had incredible, passionate, sweaty sex back then, too.

So think of planning this date as fun, not an obligation.

Choose one of her ideas for a fantasy date, so that you know that she's going to like it. 

But be the one who takes charge. 

Schedule the babysitter, the dog walker, the restaurant, or the hotel. 

Make sure you plan it for at least a week away.

That way you have time to get things right, and can start building the excitement.

3. Build desire — yours and hers — in the seven days leading up to your date.

You know what she likes: the shirt she thinks you look great in, the chores you do around the house that mean the most to her. 

Touch her flirtatiously, but not sexually, throughout the week. 

When she's talking, rest your hand on her leg for at least six seconds and look her in the eyes.

When you're walking, hold her hand for a few seconds and smile at her.

Touch her lower back and catch her eye ... but leave it at that.

Don't try to initiate sex during the week. Just flirt.

In that time, make sure you abstain from masturbation, or anything else that's going to give you sexual release.

Yes, that means no porn and no purposeful fantasies about anyone other than her! 

Waiting seven days for sexual release helps set you up for profoundly pleasurable sex!

4. Be truly present on your date.

Make a deal — no phones, except in emergencies.

No TVs or visual media, unless watching a favorite show or sports event alone together is part of her fantasy date. 

And no complaining! 

It's easy to fall into the gripe-cycle when you're together, but resist it. 

Be the leader here, and just don't start. And don't take the "bait" if she starts if she starts complaining. 

Gently change the subject by telling her that you can talk about all of that tomorrow, but today you want to focus on all the reasons you love being with her and what you two have planned. 

5. Be sexually giving. 

Remember when turning her on and giving her orgasms was as much fun as the sex itself? 

Channel that younger version of yourself, and when you two are finally alone together, be that guy. That is the key to having better sex with your wife.

Do what she loves, and maybe even ask her in the moment if there's anything new she'd like to try.

Yes, you've loved her for a long time, but that doesn't mean she's exactly the same woman she was when you met. 

Make sure that you don't go into the date with the expectation that sex has to happen, like some teenager going the prom who feels entitled to action.

That sort of attitude will only reek of desperation, and set you both up for disappointment. 

Enjoy your time together, and the sex is more likely to flow naturally.

With a little planning and build-up, this date could lead to some of the best sex of your relationship. 

If great sex is still challenging, it might be a good time to call in reinforcements. No, not porn and sex toys (though who knows, maybe they can help if you're both down for them!).

Consider reaching out for couples counseling and maybe even sex therapy.

Your marriage, just like anything you hope will last a long time, will need a tune-up every now and then.

Think of your therapist or counselor as the mechanic you trust to keep your car or motorcycle in great shape.

They have skills that can help you through even the toughest challenges. 

In the meantime, watch John Gray's video and follow the five steps above ... and watch the sparks fly once again. 

John Gray is the leading relationship expert in the world. His relationship and health books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages in 150 different countries. His groundbreaking book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, is the best-selling non-fiction book of all time. Check out his newest book for more fantastic advice, Conscious Men: A Practical Guide to Develop 12 Qualities of the New Masculinity.