All Of The Sex Questions You Wanted To Ask Men: Answered By Men

I am an incredible late-comer to Reddit. It always seemed like a place for half-baked ideas, impenetrable inside jokes, unsustainable opinions, anti-hipster micro-trends and gotcha citizen vigilantism. Boy howdy was I way wrong.

Our friends at Thought Catalog helped us collect these "girls ask guys" questions from Reddit and we decided to answer them as honestly as possible (even the ones that don't deserve an answer). Here are the answers to 13 sex questions you've been dying to know.

1. WTF do your balls do when you run?

Compression shorts, boxer briefs, and tighty-whiteys are the sports bras of testicles. However, 1 in 7 dudes are going to have painful nuts after running, irrespective of support. 

2. Do guys measure their dicks?

Some do. Some also hang weights off the end of them in hopes to make them longer. Most of us are pretty decent at estimating length based on everyday items we encounter. You know, like half of a ruler. Girth is a different story altogether. 

3. Do different vaginas feel drastically different?

Drastically? No. Mildly tighter or looser? Sure. Wetter or drier? Yeah. Some women also have by intent or genetics MUCH greater Kegel control/discipline.

4. Do penises float in water?

No. Terrible question. They do sometimes cry, though. 

5. How do you prefer your ladies to be groomed "down there"?

Start with showering at least every few days. Hair volume is up to you but most dudes performing oral will only hack through so much foliage before they call off the search for the man in the boat. 

6. Is it a turn-off if a girl is extremely wet?

Awesome for P-in-V, less awesome for washing out of a beard. However, seeing that you’re that turned on is an incredible turn-on.

7. What part of an attractive woman’s body do you notice first?

It depends on the setting. Across a crowded bar, it’s her boobs or butt. When actually meeting face to face, you generally start eyes, then mouth, then drift downward with as much tact as possible.

8. Can you tell when a girl is faking it?

Possibly. The good news is that everyone’s orgasm response is slightly different. In the book An Actor’s Work, author Stanislavski talks about the difficulty of making your body react under imaginary circumstances without extreme practice (i.e., if you can force your face to flush and body to shake like you grabbed exposed wires, he may not be able to tell).

9. Do you like dirty talk?

Yes. Obviously, different dudes have different thresholds and sense of decorum but a verbal cue which can be loosely translated into “I am very much enjoying this, you are a good person, now do what you’re doing to a greater degree” is generally a turn-on. 

10. Like, where does your penis go when you're wearing jeans?

There’s a colloquialism in tailoring — “Do you dress to the left or right?” — to determine which direction a man’s penis hangs in a pair of pants. It goes down the left or right leg depending on the guy. Or straight up/out if he has a boner. 

11. Do Asian girls actually feel tighter?

Anecdotally, smaller women feel tighter and, sometimes, Asian women are smaller. However, women of all shapes and sizes can have a different shape due to a lucky roll of the dice from nature. Most ladies can strengthen their pelvic floor muscles and make it feel tighter. By the way, the difference between tight and loose generally isn’t much. Lube really doesn’t hurt things one way or the other. 

12. How does changing sexual positions make it better or worse for guys?

Sometimes variety is the spice of life. Sometimes he wants to look at a different part of you (or himself if it’s an American Psycho situation). Sometimes he’s tired and wants to be in a position where he has to do less work. And, for sure, some positions may feel a little better and help facilitate a much faster climax.

13. Do guys like having their balls sucked?

Some do. Some love it. For me, on the scale of lighting myself on fire to nude hot-tubbing on a six-beer buzz, I give it a brisket sandwich.