Please Don't Stick This "Tightening Wand" In Your Vagina. Thanks.

In a world obsessed with perfection, I'm rarely surprised by the lengths that many of us will go to in order to achieve said perfection. People are always looking for a quick fix for every superficial issue.

And, of course, there's one for a remedy for tightening your vagina? (You know for folks who don't want to shell out mad $$ for vaginoplasty surgery.)

Sadly, this is not a drill but very real. And it's very scary because you anyone can buy the $40 Vagina Stick online. (Or one of the many similar "vagina tightening wand" products. See?)

The herbal vaginal tightening wands (aka Japanese vagina sticks) are made from "ground up plants, herbs, and other mysterious substances" with the sweet, sweet promise of giving you a buff vagina. But, at what cost? 

Listen, I'd like to believe that no woman would risk it all for a tight vagina — especially given doctors everywhere are constantly urging us to keep everything, from douches to soap away from our vaginas — but I'm no fool. I know that someone (probably a lot of someones) out there is foolish enough to try these vagina tightening sticks.

Doctor and author of The Preemie Primer, Jennifer Gunter, explained on her blog that the sticks dry your vagina out, increasing the transmission of sexually transmitted Infections and make sex more painful, perhaps even leaving abrasions. 

Dr. Gunter is also convinced that although the product is advertised as herbal there is a chemical ingredient that helps to create the aforementioned dry effect. She even goes as far as to compare the two-minute process to "over washing your hands until they are dried and cracked and bleeding."

Another of the vagina tightening sticks' broken promises is that they'll eliminate discharge. In reality, the sticks are just a bacterial infection waiting to happen and thrust you into the pits of hell for a week's worth of medication.

Seriously, just look at these instructions ... that include inserting the stick into your vagina for two minutes. 

But wait. It gets worse!

The company describes the product as something to make women "feel wanted again," shaming them as a means to turn a profit. 

First, ladies, you should know that any company that isn't aware that men aren't turning down vagina because it doesn't have a death grip on their peen isn't to be trusted. They've clearly neglected to do their research. But I digress.

I'm not shoving anything up my hoo-ha sold by a company that implies that women are somehow a lesser option for aging and changing and for living in their most natural element and standing in their physical truths.

My recommendation? Stay away from ANY homemade or store-bought remedies for your vagina.

If you're really feeling that something may be off, speak with your gynecologist. Don't want to get in deep playing the role of Google Doctor — it's a downward spiral that only ends with you at the doctors in the end (where you could've just gone to begin with). 

The moral of this story?

Trust in the mean cleaning machine that your vagina is all by herself and know that if any real issues she's on first response mood, but please please don't be the direct source of these issues.