15 Most Funny Quotes By Comedian Aziz Ansari
He's EFFORTLESSLY funny!
Aziz Ansari is one of those comedians who can do just about anything and make you laugh, and reading his funny quotes will put you in an instantly good mood. Whether you watch him on Parks and Recreation or as Darryl in Bob’s Burgers, Aziz Ansari never fails to entertain.
In addition to his totally hilarious characters on TV, Ansari has a few stand-up comedy specials on Netflix that are so funny you’ll probably end up binge watching them like I did.
He talks about growing up as a child of immigrants, women being hit on by creepy men — even Ja Rule. All of his content is all so relatable and HILARIOUSLY funny.
Aziz Ansari is definitely one of those comedians that know that you can still make people laugh without making all of your material insulting or hurtful.
And not only does he constantly have me in tears throughout his stand-up routine, it is incredibly fun to watch him read text messages from audience members to people they’ve just met, to truly show everyone how difficult it is to date in the modern age.
He also has a great show on Netflix called Master of None, which, as a comedy-drama, is a slightly different approach to the flat-out funny comedy Ansari is known for, yet still an amazing show to watch.
But even if you aren’t an avid follower of all the shows and movies Aziz Ansari has been in — and trust me, there are a LOT — we can all agree that he is majorly talented.
I also recommend reading his letter to Donald Trump in the New York Times, in which he talks about how scared he is for his family and all other immigrants living in a country that used to be safe and welcoming. It’s more serious than it is funny, but is a really good read about a very prominent subject right now.
So, to really appreciate how funny — and let's be honest, brilliant — Aziz Ansari is, here are some of the BEST funny quotes, ranging from Parks and Rec to his comedy special on Netflix.
1.
“If you’re a dude, never yell, ‘Take it off!’ Unless a woman has placed a tarantula or a scorpion on one of your shoulders, there’s no reason to yell, ‘Take it off!’” — Aziz Ansari
2.
“Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I’m going to get the government involved so you can’t leave.” — Aziz Ansari
3.
“You can’t call anybody anymore. If you call someone, they be like, ‘What? Are you on fire? Then quit wasting my time. Text me that shit.’” — Aziz Ansari
4.
“I’ve never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.” — Aziz Ansari
5.
“I didn’t know if I wanted an Italian or chicken sandwich, so I ordered half of both. Getting what you want – that’s success to me.” — Aziz Ansari
6.
“One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it’s Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack.” — Aziz Ansari
7.
“At the risk of bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me... smiling and taking partial credit.” — Aziz Ansari
8.
“Shout out to chickenpox. Only disease that says, ‘You know what, we did our thing once and now I’m out of here forever. Peace.’” — Aziz Ansari
9.
“I’ve never seen a ghost myself, but it would be interesting if I did. I live in a newer building, so I think it would be a modern ghost. I would wake up and there would be a ghost standing over my bed, just like, ‘What’s your Wi-Fi password?’” — Aziz Ansari
10.
“Get drunk and make your dreams come true.” — Aziz Ansari
11.
“I see people my age getting married to people they’ve known for like a year and a half. Is that enough time to get to know someone to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them? I’ve had sweaters for a year and a half and I was like, ‘What the fuck was I doing with this sweater?’” — Aziz Ansari
12.
“If you’ve held someone you love and watched three to ten hours of a critically-acclaimed drama, you’ve experienced the peak of human happiness.” — Aziz Ansari
13.
“You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay-Z and Beyoncé concert and you’re not like, ‘Hmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay-Z.’” — Aziz Ansari
14.
“The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you’re gay.” — Aziz Ansari
15.
“I spend so much time on the Internet... I feel like I’m a million pages into the worst book ever, and I’m never going to stop reading.” — Aziz Ansari