Virtual Blowjobs Are Here For When You Just Can't Be Bothered

For me, sex is all about sensation. There is nothing that beats the intimacy of skin to skin contact. When you love someone or you love getting freaky with someone, even their sweat can feel erotic when it touch your own bare skin.

I JUST GOT MAD SENSUAL UP IN HERE, GUYS.

But what happens when you and your dude are miles apart and skin to skin contact just isn't in the cards?

That's when you put your sex life into the bold hands of science. 

I love that we have yet to cure the common cold, but there are more and more innovations in the world of jerking off than ever before. It makes me feel like I'm on the right side of history.

SEX HISTORY. 

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That brings me to this big new:

Ladies and gentlemen, virtual blow jobs are here, and they are game-changing. 

Sex toy maker Kiiroo has a released a set of Bluetooth operated his and her sex toys, the Onyx and Pearl ($369)

They look like your average his and her masturbator and dildo respectively, and yeah, that's what they are. 

Kirroo

But the accompanying Bluetooth-enable software makes them much more special than an ol' vibrator you might find in your local sex shop.

You can program and personal the sensations of the toys making it feel like you are ACTUALLY having sex with your partner.

Connect the two devices and when you start using your vibrator, he feels your movements while he uses his toy and vice versa. 

It's like having sex with a very meticulous robot.

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So when your dude is really missing you and is aching for a blowjob and Skype sex isn't doing the trick ... FRET NOT, WORTHY FRIEND. 

By entering in a series of commands like "fast suction" or "deep throat" you can send your boyfriend some virtual blowjobs to enjoy while you go off and do something infinitely more rewarding than giving a dude oral sex.

Namely, basically any other thing that there is. 

It's awesome that this exists, but I don't know how much it's going to make you feel like connecting with your partner. 

After all, a Fleshlight by any other name is still uh, just a Fleshlight.

It's a nice idea, and the concept is as cool as all get out, but I'm going to give long-distance sex with my partner a miss until they figure out teleportation.