6 Reasons Sex In The Shower Will ALWAYS Be A Bad Idea

Looking to spice up your sex life? 

Cool! Why not try an open marriage, don a gimp suit, experiment with pony play? That sound too intense? Work in a little role-playing into the bedroom. 

Maybe add some more oral sex to your usual routine or take turns whipping each other and covering the other's bits in whipped cream if that's what your little heart desires.

But whatever you do, DO NOT HAVE SHOWER SEX.

I like showering with my dude, and it can definitely lead to foreplay, but I am so opposed to shower sex that preventing people from having it is basically my life's passion. 

Why am I so adamant?

Let's look at 5 totally disastrous things that can happen during shower sex. 

1. You only get half clean. 

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I love the shower. It's awesome. It gets all bits my clean. Unless I am sharing that shower with my boyfriend for lady-mag prescribed shower sex session. 

"Come, let us abandon the safety and comfort of this bed for something wet and dangerous," said no one ever. 

If you are having shower sex, it is inevitable that only one-half of your body is going to get cleaned either before or after. 

That's just the nature of sharing a shower. 

The part of you that doesn't get cleaned is going to be moist and chilly, which is pretty much the least sexy sensation in the world. 

So if going from "oh baby yeah harder" to "please baby move I need to clean my pits before I die of cold" is your thing, have fun. 

2. You can sprain his penis. 

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You know when you are out at a mall or a grocery store and you spot a "caution, wet floor" sign and you're like "oh dip, better not waddle over that and fracture my ass"? 

Your shower is designed for you to fracture your ass, or much, much, worse, his penis. 

Accidents happen, and if you're trying to get up to some freaky sex in your shower, accidents basically BEG to happen. 

What happens if you slip while he's inside you but he doesn't slip?

PENILE TRAUMA. And no one wants that. 

3. You accidentally get water tortured. 

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Have you ever tried to give a blowjob in the shower? HAVE YOU?

If you haven't, let me firmly advise you to make sure things stay that way.

Sure, it's a little hard to breathe while sucking a penis, but sucking a penis while water pours into your eyes, nose, throat and everywhere is akin to some sort of torture. 

4. You see him clean his asshole. 

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Seeing an asshole during sex can be hot. 

But seeing your dude go to town on his bunghole with your favorite loofah is something no woman should ever have to experience. 

5. You chip a tooth. 

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Most showers are made of rigid and unyielding substances like porcelain, stainless steel, and tile. 

None of these substances what you want to bite down on in ecstasy during your shower orgasm. 

I mean, unless you LIKE going to the dentist. 

6. You get some nasty downstairs infection. 

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Because you're in the water, your natural lubrication gets washed away.

No. Water is not a sufficient lube. Sorry, gang! 

When his penis and your vagina are more irritated and raw, it actually makes your body MORE susceptible to getting an infection.

NOT SEXY.