5 Surprisingly Sexy Reasons To Take A Personal Vow Of Celibacy
If you want to vamp up your sex life, the best think you can do is take a vow of celibacy.
Dean Drobot / Shutterstock “Celibacy” is a fairly loaded word. It brings to mind images of dour priests, sad-faced nuns, or desperate high schoolers who find themselves, despite their best efforts, remaining celibate throughout their teenage years.
Often, when we talk about celibacy, we talk about it in terms of denial. We look at someone denying themselves access to sex and we assign some kind of hidden agenda to it.
“They must have issues… they’re crazy religious… they get off on withholding pleasure from themselves.”
But that isn’t really a fair interpretation of the word.
Yes, being celibate means abstaining from sexual intercourse, but there’s an implied word in that definition that never really gets the attention it deserves.
Celibacy is about your choice to abstain from sex.
It’s a decision you make, and you own. If done for the right reasons, the decision to remain celibate can be remarkably empowering for both men and women alike.
Here are 5 surprisingly sexy reasons to take a personal vow of celibacy:
1. Celibacy makes you appreciate sex more
Let’s be frank if you’re considering celibacy, there’s a decent chance that there’s something about your current sex life that isn’t particularly satisfying.
If you’re struggling with that feeling (and aren’t sure how to address it), it makes sense to use celibacy as a chance to take a break and figure out what sex really means to you.
You know the expression “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It applies to sex too.
Taking yourself out of the sex game for a while can help you figure out what you miss (and what you don’t) about intercourse, so, if/when you decide to start having sex again, you’ll have a better idea of what you want.
2. Celibacy opens up new doors
Have you heard how when a person loses their eyesight, it makes all of their other senses extra sensitive? A similar phenomenon happens when you chose to stop having sex.
Suddenly, all of that mental and physical energy that you were directing toward your sex life is up for grabs, and everything else in your life gets the benefit of that freed-up bandwidth.
Now you finally have the time to finish your book, spend more time with friends, start knitting, take up Motocross… WHATEVER you want. Your life will become richer as a result.
3. Celibacy turns the sexual focus back on YOU
Celibacy means abstaining from sexual intercourse with other people. It does not, however, mean denying yourself any sexual pleasure.
Taking a vow of celibacy gives you an opportunity to focus on self-love for a change, taking your masturbation game to new and exciting levels.
Why is that a good thing? Because no one knows your body better than you do.
So spending some time exploring and figuring out bigger and better ways to get yourself off is a worthy cause, particularly because, if/when you decide to have sex again, you can pass your new knowledge onto your partner.
Basically, go get yourself a top-of-the-line sex toy and spend some selfish, sexy time getting to know your own orgasm.
4. Celibacy can reduce anxiety
Having sex with other people, while fun, can be stressful AF. You have to deal with social anxiety, strangers seeing you naked, the risk of STDs, pregnancy scares… a lot of emotional turmoil that goes into making that late-night hookup happen.
But, when you decide to remain celibate, those worries get thrown out the window.
You can interact with friends, family, and even people you’re romantically interested in, on a new, much more relaxed level.
You’re essentially carving a huge source of stress out of your life and every other aspect of your day-to-day existence gets to benefit from it. It’s kind of great.
5. Celibacy can actually make your love life more romantic
I can hear your eyes rolling, but I stand by this. Yes, I get that MANY people wouldn’t want to hear that their partner had taken a vow of celibacy, but, do you really want to be with someone who is only interested in sex?
Too often, in relationships, quick sex becomes a poor substitution for real intimacy. The couple doesn’t know how to connect on an emotional level, so they knock out some fast, uninspired missionary sex twice a week to allow themselves to believe that they have a healthy relationship.
Don’t be fooled. Sex does not always equal intimacy. In fact, sometimes, couples use sex to hide the fact that they don’t really have an emotional connection at all.
But, when you’re in a romantic relationship and you’ve chosen to remain celibate, you have to WORK to keep that emotional bond healthy.
You can’t just fall back on sex as the easy answer. You have to date each other, talk to each other, and find new (and awesome) ways to be physically intimate that don’t involve “traditional” sex. (You can be creative.)
More than anything, celibacy shouldn’t be about denying yourself anything.
It should be about realizing the huge role that sex plays in your life, and, if that role isn’t as satisfying as it could be, stepping back to give you some perspective.
Those insights might make you realize that you have an unhealthy relationship with sex OR they might make you appreciate your sex life more than you ever could’ve imagined. Either way, celibacy can be a truly eye-opening experience.
Elizabeth Ayers-Callahan is a freelance writer focusing on sex and relationship issues whose mission is helping other women feel less alone in their marriages.