10 Struggles Only People Who Were Bullied In School Will Understand
It can leave emotional scars that take years to heal.
Darina Belonogova | Canva Bullying is one of those issues that most people don’t fully understand until they’ve experienced it. For most of us, including myself, the first time we really understand bullying is in school.
Bullying changes people. And it changes you in more ways than one.
Here are 10 signs you were bullied as a child — and it's affecting you now:
1. Words can hurt more than weapons
That stupid “sticks and stones” rhyme parents tell kids is a bunch of garbage. Hearing bullies taunt my friend in middle school caused her to die by suicide in high school. Words can and do work.
2. Authority figures will not care unless you give them a reason to
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I can't name how many times the high school principal dismissed my rage and hurt as “stirring up drama.” Looking back, I probably should have called a lawyer, even though my parents were terrified of making waves.
No one should have had to go to the lengths I did to get bullies to lay off me, and the school system definitely should have been sued.
3. You can be punished for self-defense
In this way, school life mimics real life. Every other day, a new case of a woman killing her abuser makes headlines. And she's often jailed for it. In high school, you'll see bullying victims snap and break a bully's nose. Guess who gets in trouble? The victim!
This is why Zero Tolerance doesn't work — it allows bullies to play the victim. And bullies know it and exploit it.
4. You can be messed up for decades afterward
The bullying I experienced in school led me to a long list of bad decisions and bad relationships. I still have a tendency to think people hate me off the bat. It even made me refuse to attend my high school reunion.
5. Being bullied makes you distrustful of others.
This is why I can't stand preppy-looking people. Those clothes styles have been burned into my mind as “bully wear” from a young age. I find it easier to just avoid people than to talk to them.
6. Authority figures can be bullies, too
I had one dance teacher in particular who hated my guts and made a point of making my life horrible. She's the reason I dropped out of college, and honestly, I don't regret my decision. That school made me develop serious problems and no one but me seemed to care until I walked out and refused to go back.
7. In a weird way, you often get a kinship with other people who were bullied
They just understand you, you know? It's a lot like how war vets hang out together because they went through the same experience.
8. Bullying experiences often make you more creative
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Most artists I met were bullied. Coincidence? I think not.
9. There are reasons why you may end up as a bully target
I learned this the hard way, long after the fact. I observed that people bully others to control them, to take what they have, to avoid getting bullied themselves, because the target is doing something that’s socially reprehensible, or because bullies don’t know how to cope with things.
Is it fair? No, but that’s just the way things are and, at times, it can help you learn what makes people bully you.
10. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to bullies and be yourself
And I think we’ve all learned the effects of bullying the hard way growing up.
If you or somebody that you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, there is a way to get help. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text "HELLO" to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym for a writer who chose to not have their identity disclosed. The author is known to the YourTango editors.