I May Seem Kind, But When I'm Done With Someone — I NEVER Look Back

Respect is one of those things we love to demand in the heat of the moment, but don't know how to ask for when everything calms down. 

Logically, we know how we want to be treated. We want people to take the time to get to know us instead of making snap judgments. We want people to listen to what we have to say, and value our opinions. We want to be treated better.

We want people just to be nice to us, dammit. 

Even though we really, really want all of these things — and sometimes even blame our level of happiness on not getting it — we don't ask for it. And more importantly, we don't let go of people who consistently prove to us that they're never going to treat us the way we want them to. 

Maybe it's putting too much pressure on the potential or a fear of being alone, but we've all been guilty of letting someone stay in our lives a little longer than they deserved.

Most of the reasoning behind that isn't even that we're too insecure or timid to say something — it's that we have no, real concept of what we should be asking for and what it looks like when a man treats us right in a relationship. 

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All our ideas of respect our vague and hard to put into words. They're pulled out of thin air from distorted memories and based off a line you heard in a movie once.

You can't ask for what you want until you figure out what that is. 

Most of the best things I've ever done for myself involve making lists, and this is no exception. 

About a year ago I was in a big fight with my boyfriend at the time. No idea exactly what started it, but I was upset because the way he was handling the situation made me feel like I didn't matter to him at all and I wanted him to treat me better. But every time I tried to tell him that my words got jumbled and everything came out an emotional, confusing mess. 

So I took a day, and I organized my thoughts. I pictured exactly what it was I wanted out of a relationship at that moment and compared it to the one I was currently in.

Needless to say, there were some big differences. 

With that piece of paper in hand, I called him up — and told him to shut up the moment he started ranting — and told him exactly, word for word, what I wanted. 

And I knew before I started reading that list that all I wanted from him from that conversation was for him to say, "Okay. I understand. I'll try." But instead, he came back at me with all the reasons the things I wanted were wrong.

So I hung up the phone and never spoke to him again. 

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Once you get clear about what you want, your whole perspective changes. You no longer wait for people or things to happen — you figure out what it takes to get what you want and you make it happen. 

And when you realize that the person you're with, whether it's a friend, boyfriend or even an employer, refuses to treat you better and isn't the kind of person you want in your life, you let them go.

Because you're only willing to make room for the things that you want (and deserve) and you refuse to accept anything less.