Before Trying ANY Kind Of Kinky Sex You MUST Understand 'Aftercare'

With the rise of interest in BDSM in our culture (thanks in part to the mainstream success of Fifty Shades of Grey), couples are now exploring kinkier levels of sex. With that greater craving for intensity in one’s sex life comes a greater need for safety and responsibility.

A variety of safeguards are imperative for a fun and harmless BDSM session — and once the ropes are cut off, emotional and physical vulnerability still needs to be protected. To that end, any successful BDSM practice should be equipped with an “aftercare program.”

What Aftercare Is

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Essentially, aftercare is what a submissive requires to feel safe, appreciated, and comforted after undergoing an intense scene.

BDSM escalates endorphins and sexual arousal, launching you into an altered mental state comparable to being intoxicated or drug-induced. This reaction is often referred to as “subspace,” and for BDSM practitioners, aftercare is vital in calming down the nerves and bringing a submissive back to reality. A compassionate Dominant understands that the sub’s sexual boundaries may have been pushed and that the submissive will need to rejuvenate and recuperate post-coitus.

Aftercare is a way for a Dominant to say “thank you” to a sub for opening up and giving the Dominant full control of her or his mind and body, and for the submissive to confirm to the Dominant that boundaries were respected and the experience was mutually fulfilling. This strengthens the bond between partners and deepens their connection with each other. When limits have been tested, the role-play might need to be balanced with positive affirmations on both sides. Without a supportive aftercare program, the Dominant, the submissive, or both could feel lonely, empty, and used — and this can potentially foster an unhealthy D/s relationship.

Yet, while BDSM traditionally implements this tactic, the same show of appreciation following any sexual practice — even in the most vanilla of situations — should be administered. Sex, no matter the intensity, can elicit a wide array of emotions, from pleasurable and cathartic to downright draining. A little TLC can go a long way in reducing and soothing the overwhelming nature of sex. And while aftercare might seem like a ritual for couples in a committed relationship, even one-night-stands deserve some token of gratitude. Sex (at least good sex) comes with feelings and passion and you can’t soar to new heights without a soft, cushiony landing in place.

Aftercare doesn’t just cultivate a greater sense of intimacy, but also makes you a more compassionate and generous lover overall — a trait that will make you a better partner and bring you even more satisfying sexual experiences.

What Aftercare Isn’t

Aftercare is a meaningful activity that requires attention and respect. Acting ashamed or aloof, leaving suddenly and quickly, or walking away without any acknowledgment that you two copulated is the complete opposite of aftercare.

In order to establish an effective sense companionship, or at least leave the hook up on a positive note, some form of recognition should be instituted. Treating the affair (and the person) with utter disregard not only comes across as selfish and cowardly but can perpetuate insecurities and sour an otherwise exciting and pleasant experience.

There is no reason sex should ever be followed by a “walk of shame.”

Your Aftercare Options

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It is best to discuss your preferred form of aftercare with you partner before you engage in bondage play.  

Some examples include:

• Cuddling or spooning your partner.
• Massaging his or her body using essential oils.
• Holding and consoling the other person as they cry and release their emotions.
• Taking a shower together and washing their body and/or hair.
• Attending to any injuries that might arise from sadomasochistic play.
• Adhering to their temperature needs such as wrapping the other person in a warm blanket or turning on a fan.
• Creating a calming atmosphere with scented candles or tranquil music.
• Making your partner a plate of food or offering a beverage.
• Driving the person home.

Vanilla couples and serious kinksters alike can benefit from the nurturing sentiment that aftercare provides.

For long-term couples, aftercare can bring you closer together and make your sexual encounters all the more worthwhile.

And for simple friends with benefits, aftercare establishes a more trusting and grateful conjunction that can only lead to even hotter sex.