You Never Loved Me, You Were Just Scared To Be Alone
And I deserve better than that.
getty The signs are always obvious after some time goes by. All of the things you overlooked because you didn't want to seem too clingy, were actually big red flags telling you to cut your losses and run.
It's hard at first, when you really like someone, to see the writing on the wall. You want to believe them when they say they feel the same about you or that they're ready for a relationship. But the funny thing about the guys that act so perfectly is that they're really not that perfect. Instead, they have a fear of being alone.
A guy who's doing all the right things (and then some) could be doing so because he's hiding something. He's acting like the perfect man so you won't question the broken one that's hiding underneath.
He wants to feel loved and safe again so desperately that he's willing to fake the whole thing.
Most people don't understand the importance of healing after a breakup. The loneliness in the aftermath is too much for them to deal with, so they skip it entirely and jump into the arms of the next person they see.
It's selfish, reckless and it happens all the time.
Real feelings are messy. They make you drunk dial someone at one in the morning, and make you so embarrassed the next day that you avoid them completely. When you really like someone, you make mistakes. You show your flaws. You act like a human.
Of course, you don't want to be paranoid of every guy that is trying to be a good boyfriend — because some really are doing just that. But there is a way you can keep your eye out for signs that they're not over their ex, or that they just don't want to be alone and avoid getting yourself in a relationship with someone who is just using you for their own benefit.
First, listen to the way they talk about their ex. How often do they bring them up? If you ask about them, do they shut down and not want to talk about it all? Do they hate them?
I've dated a few guys who clearly weren't over their ex, and the obvious sign was how much they hated them. They were described as "an awful person" and "a total f***ing liar." While back then I naively chopped that up to a bad breakup, I now know it was a clear look into just how broken their heart really was.
Another big red flag is their dating history. When was the last time they were in a relationship? Are they always in relationships? What's the longest they've been single?
Serial monogamists are a real thing, and they are to be avoided at all costs. Being in a relationship all the time is unhealthy and a sign of someone who has some serious issues with being alone.
You don't want to be just another person to have around because they don't know how to be with themselves. You deserve someone who wants to be with you simply because they want to be with you. No games, not acting, just good ole fashioned crushes on each other.
Emily Blackwood is an editor for YourTango covering news, entertainment, crime and politics.