To My Ex: It Was Never My Job To Fix You
You have to live with your own conscience.
Shutter Stock I have a question for you and don't worry — it's a simple one: Why did you break my heart?
Why did you lie to me, manipulate me, and make me think it was my fault? How could you do that to me, someone you claimed to love? Were you really so cruel the whole time or did I somehow let you become that man? Is that my fault?
You seemed so perfect in so many ways and I put you on a pedestal instead of pointing out your faults. Apparently, that was my mistake because that's what you wanted: a woman who would "fix" you. At least, that's what you said when you left me.
I thought about those parting words again and again. If only I had done this; if only I had called you out when you messed up and hurt me, you might have still been mine.
That's the problem, though. There were so many times you did this, so many times you hurt me with your words, your secrets, and your carelessness that I was afraid calling you on it would end the relationship. Ironic, isn't it?
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I don't know why I would hold onto someone who would do those things over and over again to the woman he supposedly loves.
It's been months and I still miss the dream of the life I thought I'd be living right now. I let myself get comfortable. I let myself believe you'd be there for me.
I don't know how I could be so careless. That's what love does to you: it makes you stupid and reckless with your own heart. You were cavalier with my emotions and a coward in the end.
I'm sorry that you did all of those things. I won't tell you you'll regret it or that you'll miss me. I'm sorry, instead, that you are who you are. You have to live with your own conscience and your own heart, and I don't think either is what you want them to be.
I may have been the one who got my heart broken but in the end, I'm the one who is free of you. That's something you'll never be able to be.