It's OK To Miss Something Without Ever Wanting It Back
Are you the one saying, "I miss my ex but don't want him back"?
Cindy Goff / Shutterstock Are you the one saying, "I miss my ex but don't want him back"?
Getting over somebody doesn’t happen overnight, or — even despite popular belief — when you get under someone else.
Time is the only tool in your moving-the-fuck-on toolbox, and there are a lot more things working against you than for you.
No more sitting around, complaining, "I miss my ex but don't want him back."
People will want to set you up or talk about your ex. You constantly are seeing places or things that remind you of him. Your own emotions (especially when fueled by alcohol) will have you crying over old pictures on your bathroom floor at 2 a.m.
You’re allowed to miss him.
Of course you do. You dated him, which means there was something about him or the way you were together.
Losing that is hard, especially when there’s nothing to immediately distract yourself with.
What you’re not allowed to do is confuse missing him with wanting him back. That won’t do you any good.
When you miss your ex, it’s because you’re thinking about the good things. You’re remembering what it was like to have someone around all the time. You’re reminiscing on inside jokes and old memories.
You miss what it was like to have someone you really, really freaking liked, like you too.
You can definitely miss an ex but not want them back.
Sometimes you might think, “I still love my ex,” but really you’re just lonely. Desperation is not a good foundation to build a relationship on.
Chances are, if you ex wanted to breakup, it’s because they thought the two of you weren’t good together.
Though all of that is awesome and what you want in a relationship, it wasn’t the whole relationship. You broke up for a reason — and you can’t forget about what that reason was.
As an avid giver of second chances, I can tell you that they usually don’t work out. The first few weeks things are great and I’m super convinced getting back together was the right choice.
But then the initial excitement wears off, and the same old issues are still there.
Time is your only tool because it’s only with time that people change.
And let me tell you, it takes way longer than a few weeks post-breakup for real change to happen.
So if you find yourself second-guessing the breakup and wondering if a late-night “I miss you” text is needed, make sure you’re remembering all of it. Remind yourself of all the things that led to the breakup and if any of them could really be fixed right now.
If two people are meant to be, they’ll find their way back together.
But that doesn't mean you shouldn’t force a reunion just because you’re getting a little lonely and sad.
You can miss things, just don’t run back to them without a little thought first.
Emily Blackwood is an editor at YourTango who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships and everything in between.