The True (& Sorta Hilarious) Story Of My First Time In A Sex Dungeon

Have you ever walked into a room and immediately seen dozens of couples having sex with each other?

Neither had I — until I lived in San Francisco and attended my first party in a BDSM-themed sex dungeon.

The energy in the room was like nothing I had ever witnessed.

I had never seen more leather. I had never heard more simultaneous female moans.

My jaw had never hit the floor with such a dramatic thud.

But what was the most surprising about my experience was how absolutely normal it felt within five minutes of being in the room.

My thoughts quickly turned from, “What have I gotten myself into?”, to “Hmm … this is actually the most natural thing in the world. It’s just a bunch of people loving each other in a way that feels right to them. How is this kind of thing not allowed on TV but the violent images on the evening news are?”

Sure, there were some surprising things around the room. People tied up to St. Andrews crosses being spanked with floggers … people engaging in oral sex—almost always with their partner that they arrived with—through glory holes … couples utilizing the sex swings and oversized vibrators dangling from the ceiling.

But, really, the overall energy of love and self-acceptance permeated the room. It was palpable. 

About halfway through the night, I ended up randomly falling into a conversation with one of the most polite, self-aware, mature young women I had ever met.

She seemed to pick up on my newbie energy and she started chatting me up.

“I’ve never seen you before. Is it your first time here?”

“Yes, it is. You must come here often if you’re able to infer that.”

“Yup, I’ve been coming to these events monthly for a few years now.”

“That’s awesome. There’s definitely a unique energy in the room. I’m curious … what keeps bringing you back?”

“I’ve learned more about myself in these last few years—using sex as my primary learning tool—than at any other stage in my life.”

“How do you mean? What kinds of personal insights have these events afforded you?”

“Well, I think it’s inevitable, when you have an expanded volume of experiences, that you’ll learn more about yourself.”

I asked her if she wouldn't mind expanding on what she meant by that, curious about some examples. 

“One thing that I learned is that I always give myself three opportunities to try something new before I decide if I like it or not," she explained. 

“Are you speaking exclusively about sex or about your life in general?”

“It started just as sex, but then it bled over into how I approach my whole life. Like I wouldn’t decide after my first time being spanked that I didn’t like it because maybe I was really in my head or I had a less experienced partner. I always found that whatever I was trying out, I should judge it the third time, because that would be a more accurate sampling than the first time. The same goes for eating broccoli, or going on dates with someone new, or trying out Crossfit.”

“I love it! That’s actually a really great life philosophy.”

She then giddily bounced over to her boyfriend and had sex with him and another woman that they had just met.

Half way through their sex session, I walked by them to go to the bathroom for a drink of water and she extended her arm for a high five. I thought it would be rude to not high five her while two people were inside of her. So, I did.

It was the most interesting high five of my entire life.

I spent the night wandering around, talking to people, and getting the lowdown on what a unique scene San Francisco had.

I didn’t engage with anyone sexually—that would have been overwhelming for me for my first night out—and was still supremely glad that I had attended.

I think that every person on the planet would benefit from attending a sex party—whether it’s a play party, fetish party, kink party, or any other thing that piques your interest.

Muster up the courage to step through the door and I promise you, that you will become a more self-accepting, open-minded, loving person in a matter of a few hours.

Give it a shot. What’s the worst that could happen?

You might even score more than a high five.

Sex and relationship coach Jordan Gray helps people remove their emotional blocks and maintain thriving intimate relationships. You can see more of his writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com