How It Feels To Have Sex With A Man Who Has A Penis Piercing
His Prince Albert piercing wasn't the star of the show, but it was certainly the icing on the cake.
Photographee.eu / Shutterstock Picture it: New Year's Day 2004. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I'm days away from turning 21 and am rife with bad decision-making potential when a visiting out-of-state friend asks me to show her a wild night on the town.
This would ultimately become The Weirdest Night I've Ever Had Sober.
Amid the blur of strip club threesome voyeurism, bathroom prison-style tattoos, and a cop raid that somehow ended without incident — yes, that all really happened, I swear — I had my first experience with a Prince Albert piercing.
What is a Prince Albert piercing?
A Prince Albert piercing is a penis piercing done by inserting a barbell or other jewelry through the urethra, and out of the underside behind the head glands. This type of piercing got its name from the belief that Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert, had a penile piercing in this style.
Men usually get a Prince Albert piercing because they are said to increase sexual pleasure for both parties.
But back to my story...
For those readers too young to remember, the early 2000s were a godawful era for fashion and beauty across the board.
The rave scene had gone mainstream and blended with the pop resurgence of the late 90s, so everything was awash in multicolored, sparkly animal print, chunky highlights, and just so much bronzer.
Among these trends was the wave of body piercing to excess (see: Xtina circa '02), with the popularity of genital piercings becoming quickly normalized, especially in touristy party towns like Myrtle "Deep Fried Vegas" Beach.
Anyway, at one point in the evening, we were hanging out with some other locals and I started getting hot and heavy with a guy who worked as an exotic dancer at the local male revue.
This is particularly ridiculous because I'd started our conversation by playfully making fun of how cheesy his career was ... and then somehow we were making out within 10 minutes.
This guy's body was on point. Plus, he'd just gotten out of work, so he was freshly showered, sober, and still pumped from putting on a show for screaming women flinging money at him.
My senses were tingling; this was prime one-nighter material.
When he unveiled his penis piercing, I gasped and clasped my hands at my heart like a woman being proposed to.
Look, the package reveal is the big gamble to any sexual encounter, but ample, proportionate, functioning penis on a well cared for guy plus jewelry designed for a partners' pleasure is like finding the Holy Grail.
His piercing was the kind with silver balls on the protruding ends of a curved bar that came out at the bottom of the head and on the tip near the urethra (for those of you who don't want to Google image search this).
The sex was fantastic, although primarily because of his talents.
See, the piercing isn't so gigantic that it completely changes the game; it just applies a little more direct pressure to a lover's interior G-spots. If the guy steering the penis doesn't know how to use it, the jewelry doesn't do much for his partner.
Lucky for me, this guy was a performer both on and off the stage and seemed hellbent on blowing my mind.
We tried a series of positions and rhythms to maximize stimulation, and if I'm being honest, I was most turned on by his communication and willingness to please than anything else.
Getting me off seemed to get him off and that, in turn, made me more enthused to try whatever he put out there until we were just a sweaty ball of frenzied, symbiotic energy.
The Prince Albert piercing wasn't the star of the show, but it was certainly the icing on the cake.
Whereas I would've had a great time with this guy anyway, the extra sensation helped me climax repeatedly (something I never do via vaginal penetration alone).
It worked best as an accessory to an already talented lover, and I can imagine a lot of guys getting pierced hoping it will up their game and then being confused as to why a simple piece of strategically-placed metal hasn't magically transformed them into legendary bedmates.
As with all things shiny, a Prince Albert piercing can only enhance what is already great.
Elizabeth Z Pardue is a creator and polymath based in the South. Her words have appeared in Huffington Post, Time, XOJane, Ravishly, and in a bunch of Letters to the Editor columns.