11 Pokemon Go Inspired Sex Positions To Help You Level Up In Bed

I'm not one to fuck around when it comes to new sex positions. 

I'm no prude, but I am a creature of habit. Once I've found something that works, I'll stick with it. Who doesn't love a guaranteed orgasm, right? 

But my recent obsession with Pokemon Go is changing all of that. 

I'm seeing the world through Poke-colored glasses, and it got me thinking about spicing about my sex life and that means some new sex positions would be required. 

How I connected the two is a job for my analyst, thank you for very much.

It didn't take me long to suss out that when it comes to finding some hot new sex positions I didn't even need to pry my eyes away from iPhone and rapidly rising game score. 

Here are 11 killer sex positions inspired by Pokemon Go. 

1. Doduo 

You and your partner should acquired a raggedy, dirty brown blanket and head to a densely populated area. Once there, strip, wrap yourselves in the sheet and make loud, constant love, blocking the paths of those fools who dared to "go to the grocery store." 

2. Charmander 

Set your partner's dick on fire and make him chase you around the room.

3. Shieldon

Wearing a pasta pot and nothing else, assume the missionary position because, as you know, Shieldons are vulnerable to attacks from behind. 

4. Cofragrigus

Wrap yourselves in toilet paper and have sex in very small closet or crawl space. 

5. Squirtle

Have your partner take you from behind in a hotel swimming pool while you make use of the powerful pool jets.  Bonus CP if actual squirting is achieved. 

6. Rattata

Empty the trash cans out in a back alley behind a restaurant, wait until it is dark and have sex in the garbage. If you get caught just hiss and jump up and down a lot while pointing. 

7. Foongus

Take a bunch of hallucinogenic mushrooms, put on a thong, eat a high quality cheese together and see where the night takes you. 

8. Emolga 

Tie a sheet about yourself and fashion it into a parachute, of sorts. Climb on top of a bookshelf and wait for your partner to enter. When they do, pounce. 

9. Beedrill

Cover yourself in honey and brandish two giant butt plugs. Whenever your partner asks you a question just respond with buzzing at him.

10. Koffing 

Lock your partner in your bedroom, hold them down and fart and fart and fart on them. 

11. Pikachu 

Whatever position you desire provided that at the moment of climax there is lightening somehow and also you yell "PIKA PIKA PIKA!"