The One Clothing Item People With Healthy Vaginas NEVER Wear

During the summer months, we all do our bests to look good. 

For me, looking good comes second to keeping my vagina nice and cool. That's right, I said it.

Hot vagina is a problem.

If I don't want to scare away attractive male specimens I gotta keep that noise fresh as a fresh vagina. 

Luckily, this is pretty easy to achieve: Cotton underwear, regular showers, and short and breezy skirts are like a vagina mathematician's perfect formula for vaginal health.

Man, now I am imagining a mathematician who sits around desperately scrawling numbers on a chalkboard hoping to solve for vagina instead of X. 

But unfortunately sometimes the fashion world doesn't always get the vaginal health memo. 

This particular summer's trends proves it. 

I'm talking about short shorts.

(Please know that my mons pubis actually shuddered with fear while writing those words, just FYI.) 

High waisted short shorts are having a moment, god help us all. 

From a fashion perspective they are meant to show off the legs and butt.

This also means they showcase the belly and the camel toe. I do not think the fashion world realized this when they decided to make short shorts a thing. It doesn't seem like their style. But if they did, kudos dudes. 

Leaving the summer out of it, short shorts are so not kind to your vagina.

By their very nature they sit high on the hip AND the crotch, which can leave you lifted and separated in all the wrong places.

Add the summer heat to the equation and you've got a prescription for itching, chafing, bruising, and possible yeast infections. 

DO NOT WANT. 

But it's okay guys. I've got a solution.

I'm not one to subscribe to the notion of "dressing to flatter your figure" (please see my caftan collection), but in this case let's go with it:

No one's figure is flattered by high waisted short shorts. 

Even people pulling them off aren't pulling them off in real life. They are pulling them off in ads for Urban Outfitters or PSAs about sexually promiscuous teens who also smokes cigarettes. 

A fitted jersey skirt, an A-line, even that draped weirdness going on right now, those are all cute stylish ways of showing off your getaway sticks without compromising your vagina's health or your own dignity. 

If you need me I'll be in the back yard burning all my shorts. I'm looking at you, high waisted bleached jorts!