The Most VIOLENT Sex Videos You’ll EVER See (Thanks, Shark Week)

Since 1988, humanity has gathered together around our TV screens to celebrate Shark Week, a seven-day-celebration of all things Jaws-ish on the Discovery Channel. Why has Shark Week become such a cultural phenomenon? Because shark videos are TERRIFYING. Beach attacks, feeding frenzies, those clips of giant sharks leaping out of the water near South Africa – ALL TERRIFYING.

But, this year, if you’ve become desensitized after almost 30 years of Shark Week, but still want to feel that terror again, we invite you to take the next logical step in scary shark footage — namely, SHARK SEX VIDEOS.

That’s right. If you thought that sharks were scary when they’re hungry, you should see them when they’re horny. Because… DAMN.

Take this video from the Discovery Channel titled “Violent Shark Sex”:

It really feels like the video should violate YouTube’s decency standards, but there it is. Televised shark sex. The dead-voiced Discovery announcer informs us that “shark mating is a violent affair” and then shows us proof in the form of massive scars across the body of Emma, a fifteen-foot-tiger shark, from Tiger Beach in the Bahamas.

Apparently, it’s common for male sharks to wound and/or seriously scar females during mating, and the creepiness gets turned up ten notches at the 0:55 second mark when we’re presented with “rare” footage of two male white-tip sharks locking a female in their jaws as one of the mates with her.

It’s awkward, gross, and you want charges to be brought against the male sharks, but, apparently, this is just how things go in the shark world. I mean, mating always leaves scars (even for us humans), but the scars are HUGE when you’re a shark.

And YouTube is filled with videos like this. Videos of sharks weirdly flopping together, hanging strangely vertical in the weightless water, trying their best to make a new generation of vicious, dead-eyed super-predators.

Take for example this video:

Or this one:

Or this older clip from a past Discovery Channel Shark Week, obviously originally recorded on VHS — the grainy tracking lines and focus problems almost make it look like a leaked celebrity sex tape.

Keep all of this in mind for your future celebrations of Shark Week. If you’ve ever gotten nervous at the beach, secretly worried that you’ll be pulled under the surface and eaten like the girl from the opening scene of Jaws, just think of how much worse it would be to be a young shark and accidentally walk in on your parents mating.

The awkward thumping, the biting, the sand flying all over the ocean floor, the Discovery Channel photographer excitedly filming your parents as they lock fins and make the fish with two backs.

Talk about something that will scar you for life.

So, if you think Shark Week has gotten boring over the years, spend a few moments seeing what sharks look like when they’re getting their freak on and, trust me, you will learn to be afraid of the water again.