Café Fellatio WIll Serve You A Blow Job And A Latte For $61

A man requires just two things to be happy: A strong cup of coffee and an acceptably performed blowjob. 

The fact that it has taken this long for some cunning businessman to combine the two into the ultimate one stop shopping experience is actually a little surprising. We've been combining cheap massages and hand jobs for years.

I'm glad the food service industry is finally getting their sexy back. 

No, this isn't happening stateside. We're prudes, and we take our junk and our coffee waaaaay too seriously to ever hazard an attempt at fusing the two. Think of the pitch meetings with investors while you try to explain away the potential for third degree burns.

But not so in Europe! In Europe they are all "this needs more blowjobs". That makes sense, I guess. After all Europe is the birthplace of the threesome, anal sex, and shrugging. Not to mention looking so cool smoking a cigarette. Of course it would be home to the world's first blowjob cafe. 

Cafe Fellatio (an accurate if obvious moniker for said established) is set to open in Geneva, Switzerland before the end of the year. Just in time for ski season! 

The concept is pretty straightforward as far as blowjob coffee shops go.  You enter a coffee shop. After thoroughly spraying down all the surfaces with a bleach solution, you sit down. There's an iPad. Now clean the iPad. You log in and are directed to the website of FaceGirl, the escort service which supports the cafe.

Pick your girl, pick your coffee, get your blowjob, get your caffeine fix. 

Talk about some wham bam thank you ma'am, also do you have biscotti because I am feeling snackish. 

It looks like the entire encounter will set dudes back about $61, with the majority of that fee being for the blowjob.

I mean, unless the coffee is made of ground gold dust, and they are just waiting until the next press release to drop that bomb. 

A lot of people are for this new establishment, while others worry that it will support pimps in the area. Prostitution is legal in Switzerland, but pimping is highly criminalized. 

There are other less socially charged issues at play too. Like, do you make eye contact with the other patrons when you walk in for your morning cup of Joe and the handling of your morning wood? Is small talk kosher? Are there private rooms or are you getting sucked off in front of all and sundry?

What if you accidentally get the address wrong and wind up ordering a blowjob inside of one of those trendy cat cafes?

I want to know if there's oral sex available for women who might want it.

I mean, let's be honest, the idea of brownie and a nice cappuccino after a long session of expertly performed cunnilingus? That's something for which I'd pay top dollar. And that includes a flight to Geneva.

How about you?