Why He's So Damn AFRAID Of Having His Butthole Fingered
They're locked in their own anal-fearing prison.
weheartit "You're an author?" my Tinder date asked me over a beer. Tech and I mutually agreed to be causal. He was tall, outdoorsy, handsome with dark eyes and a trimmed beard, but mildly shy.
"Yeah, I just published my book a few months ago. I'm writing a few articles now."
"What about?"
"I'm working on something called, 'The Anal Renaissance.'"
Tech and I hashed into a taboo discussion of prostate phobia.
"I've never tried ass play before," he admitted.
Within five minutes in my bedroom, the 6'2" lumbersexual was on his knees across my lavender comforter, face down, ass up, cheeks spread, shouting, "Rim me, you filthy slut!"
I'd become the Prostate Fairy, obligated to liberate straight males from the shackles of patriarchal mating and literally shove subliminal eroticism up their ass. I started with one finger and then worked up to two, but Tech wanted more.
I had two sex toys. One was a pink vibrator that was slightly less than six inches long. The other was called Mr. Dependable: a nine-inch purple dildo I bought at a Pure Romance party. I used it once to appease a guy with a voyeurism fetish and felt internally bruised for days afterwards.
"Let's use that one," Tech said, eyes eagerly darting for Mr. Dependable.
***
I decided to investigate prostate phobia: why are men so damn afraid of having their assholes touched? I made a survey about anal stimulation: one for hetero men and one for women. I asked a series of questions about experience with variations giving and receiving anal stimulation.
I gave women an open-ended option to explain their thoughts on a man requesting ass play, and one for men to elaborate on their fears and insecurities with it. To ensure diversity, I posted the surveys on feminist and military pages. The reactions to the post were even more intriguing than the results.
I initially got a slew of feminists excited to participate. But once the admins caught wind of it, I was kicked out of the group.
"Feminism is about anal now? I think she was a pusher for Playboy or Hustler," one of the admins told a woman who was defending me.
While the Feminism! administrators were passive-aggressive, several veterans were outright aggressive. "She needs a good conservative pounding," one said. "I'll dislocate your ovaries," another chimed.
I had tampered with their grenade, igniting a deadly explosion of anger, trauma, and sexual confusion.
I managed to scrape 152 male participants and 208 female participants. Judging from conversations previously held with females, I expected the female responses to completely contradict the males, but their correspondence was eerily accurate.
Eighty-nine percent of the men had performed anal stimulation on a woman and 79 percent of women had received it. Only 59 percent of the men had received anal stimulation and 54 percent of women had performed it on a man. The most common anal stimulation received from males was a rim job at 38 percent, the only type of stimulation that didn't require penetration.
The male fear of penetration constantly shined through. Eighty-two percent of men were willing to perform anal fingering, but only 58 percent were willing to receive it.
Eighty-two percent of the women explained their thoughts on men requesting anal stimulation. Only 9 percent of the female participants said they would react negatively and 59 percent of them expressed enthusiasm for it. Eleven percent of them would suspect closeted homosexuality or bisexuality.
Compared to the women, the men were very shy about answering open-ended questions. Only 40 percent of them responded at all. Nearly half of those men said that fecal matter was their ultimate concern. However, all but two of those men had performed ass play on a woman.
Most of the men that claimed "poop" being a big concern had, at some point, had their tongue right where she pooped.
Despite the survey's anonymity, I question the honesty in responses. Eighty-six percent of the males knew that their prostate was one of their primary G-spots, yet a mere 37 percent had touched their own prostate.
Adolescence is never graceful. Our first steps are wobbly, full of stumbles and spills. Our first words are barely comprehendible. Our first kisses are sloppy and wet. The process of breaking sexual thresholds is far from sexy. It will be a long time until penetrating outgrows the feel of a grade-school science experiment.
But I think about all the times I've been shunned for my sexuality, dubbed a whore for being too promiscuous and unworthy of romance for my refusal to emulate false virtue. I constantly deal with men who want the best head of their life, but judge me for being able to give it. Even in my most intimate moments with a man, I'm alone.
As a woman, I've had to choose between ignoring the full effect of my carnal instincts and exploring them with the men who will abandon me. It wasn't until tapping into the forbidden grounds of the male anatomy that I realized that men are locked in their own prison.
I'm a penetrator — not because it pleasures me, but because his pleasure matters as much as mine. I don't believe in gender roles and I still carry an inkling of hope that lovers will someday be able to quit the games, the deceit, and the power plays.
I'm a penetrator because I want predators and prey to forfeit the hunt and become partners.
Check out Maggie's podcast on the subject of gender roles and sexuality.