These FROGS Invented A New Sex Position (And It's Surprisingly HOT)

If you thought Indian frogs and your sex life were totally unrelated, brace yourselves.

Scientists have recently discovered a sex position totally unique to this froggy species and I’m not gonna lie … it’s kinda hot.

Let me be perfectly clear: I do not want to have sex with a frog, or with any animal.

(Unless that animal is Michael Fassbender dressed in some sort of animal suit. Not that I’ve like, given this a lot of thought. Anyway. Moving on.)

After years of studying the Bombay night frogs in Western Indian, researchers noticed that the male was mounting his partner exclusively from behind.

At first they thought it was a fluke, but all of the researcher proved it wasn’t an anomaly, it’s just how these frogs take care of business (to shamelessly steal from Elvis Presley).

Yeah yeah, not exactly anything to write home (or to Penthouse) about, but wait, it gets kinkier.

Indian frogs do it standing up, with the male pinning the female against a tree or rock, bracing himself against a firm surface with his arms … all of which they manage without ever allowing their respective sex organs to meet.

Scientists are calling this the dorsal straddle, it’s totally unique to this frog breed.

As steamy as it sounds, it’s totally biological. The male deposits sperm on the female’s back. Once this is done, the female lays eggs which are fertilized once she pops them out and they glide down her back.

Color me, uh, nauseated?

Talk about all business. I gotta say though, there are some nights where a little rigorous dorsal straddling would be preferable to feigning any moans or groans, you know?

It’s also ALL on the female frog’s terms.

Unlike other types of little hoppers, she is the one doing the croaking when she feels the needs to procreate come upon her. Other frogs fertilize their eggs with direct contact.

Indian frogs ditch the fuss (if not the muss) in a redefinition of wham bam thank you ma’am.

While I’m all for a little bit of cuddling and spooning, there’s a lesson to be learned in this discovery.

What other kind of secret sex positions are the animal world hiding from us?

Have hyenas mastered dirty talk?

Can pairing pigs levitate?

Somebody should apply for a grant, because if these freaky frogs can do something knew with the oldest hobby on earth, who knows what the rest of the planet’s creatures are up to.