What REALLY Goes Down During Secret Sex Parties

By Sujeiry Gonzalez

Sex parties aren't just out of a scene from “Eyes Wide Shut.” Although Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise's flick brought secretive sex parties into our living rooms in 1999, they’ve existed for quite some time.

During the Ancient Roman era, many indulged in orgies at The Bacchanalia, a Roman festival celebrating Bacchus, the God of drunken debauchery and ecstasy. The point of this festival was ultimate and utter sexual exploration and bliss.

Do sex parties like this still exist? Claro. And bold attendee Scott Brown, a Sexpert and founder of Sexpressed.com, has come forward to share what it’s really like to attend one. Here are six things that happen and what to expect at a sex party.

1. It's like any ol’ club.

According to Brown, the vibe is no different from hitting up your favorite nightspot, only you’re having sex with Bacardi and Coke in hand. “In New York City, there are dozens of clubs and hundreds of private parties,” he said and “many of the parties I go to have people between ages 25-45.”

Don’t you worry, viejitos, there's something for you as well! You can hit up a sex party for those over 60.

2. There ARE rules. 

You can’t just go to a sex party and go buck wild. To keep the environment safe from creepers, rules are put in place, like you must be a couple or a single gal to attend (sorry, hombres, no single men allowed). Some clubs even have protocol to detract loners.

“The club I go to the most has the ‘PAL’ system, which stands for Pervy Activity Liaison,” Brown explains. “This rule means that you can’t come into the party or leave the party alone. You must be with your PAL at all times.” 

Still, it doesn’t have to be the person you attended the party with. “This system is unique because your PAL could be literally anyone—not necessarily your significant other.”

3. Permiso, please.

Don’t expect to attend a sex party and grab a guy’s balls or a woman’s tetas, because you have to ask permission before initiating any type of sexual activity or contact. “If you're too aggressive in your interactions with people, you're going to get kicked out,” said Brown. 

And everyone will know! Yes, the sex party community is like a barrio where all your neighbors know your business. “If you get kicked out of a few parties, you'll find it hard to get access to any other parties.”

4. Go to Google. 

So where does one find a sex party to attend? Go online. Although some parties are as exclusive as a snobby country club, many advertise openly.

However, if you want to attend one of the more upscale sex parties, you can’t just crash. “You usually gain an invite from someone who has previously attended the elite parties whom you meet at other ‘non-elite’ parties,” Scott shared. “The elite parties are usually more expensive to get into and are held at high-end locations with handpicked, conventionally attractive people.”

5. You've got to pay to play. 

Speaking of cash, you must pay an entry fee—just like a club! How much and how often you dish out depends on the sex party. “Some have yearly membership fees and then per-party entry admission, while some only charge per party,” Brown explained. 

To become a member of a higher-end sex club, you must fill out an application and be approved.

6. Always be smart and safe.

When it comes to sex, there is always a risk of contracting an STI—that includes engaging in intercourse at a sex party. “Not many people ask for STD results from people when they meet them on a date, so not many people ask about STD results at parties,” Scott said.

Luckily, condoms are made available at sex parties—and they’re free, though it’s not mandatory to use them. “Ultimately, it’s up to each person what they're comfortable engaging in.”

My advice: if you’re going to engage in Bacchus-like sexy time, wrap it up. That way, you're blissfully happy and safe.