What It Really Means To Play In A ‘Devil’s Triangle’
As written by a man who knows ...
Unsplash: Utopia News surrounding the United States Senate Judiciary Committee hearings over the potential confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, amid allegations of sexual assault made by Dr. Christine Ford, has many inquiring minds wondering, "What is the real definition of a 'devil's triangle'?"
And while Kavanaugh, 53, who currently serves as a judge on the powerful US Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, asserted under oath on Thursday, September 27 that 'Devil's Triangle' is a drinking game, played with "three glasses, in a triangle ... It's a 'Quarters' game," there's a distinctly different definition with a highly sexual meaning that's been around far longer than the past few days.
When it comes to the lexicon of sex acts, there are two kinds of threesomes — and don’t you dare get them confused.
There’s “the good kind," an Female-Male-Female (FMF) threesome, and there’s a “Devil’s Triangle” AKA a Male-Female-Male (MFM) threesome.
MFM threesomes are the kind guys are worried their girl really means when she says, “Sure, I’d be up for a threesome sometime.”
(Please note: I’m not distinguishing between MFM and MMF, though those are very different animals — and, of course, I am totally ignoring FFF and MMM. Broad strokes here, people.)
It is the embodiment of so many double-standards in modern American sexual dynamics: two women kissing/touching is a hot kink, whereas guys even looking at each other during a sex act is gross. It’s not cheating or threatening if it’s a girl with a girl, but it becomes both if there's an extra guy in the picture.
These double standards aren't just perpetuated by men.
Women who are interested in trying homosexual sex are often far more accepted — not just by their partners, but by their friends and by the community at large, than are bi-curious guys.
My own very rigorous and scientific research (read: asking my female friends in and out of the community) found that a surprising number of very open, kinky, liberated, even non-monogamous women would be deeply uncomfortable with their male partners engaging in even seemingly low-level activities like kissing and sexually touching another man.
Women appear far less comfortable with male homosexuality, even when it involves men who are not their partner, than they are with female homosexuality, even if they aren’t themselves bi.
I’m not going to dive into the complicated gender politics at play here, but suffice it to say that for many, if not most, couples, even very sexually “advanced” people in this community, play involving an extra woman is way less fraught than play with an extra man.
I speak from experience when I say that, while I prefer FMF threesomes, MFM threesomes are also a lot of fun.
I don’t have a bisexual or bi-curious streak, and I don’t play with the other guy — though there is, as an NFL ref would call it, “incidental contact."
The presence of another guy opens up interesting positioning opportunities, and allows the woman to experience multiple kinds of pleasure at once.
And, at minimum, even if you don’t have a compersive streak, as I put it to a vanilla friend recently, “You like porn, right? Well, if nothing else, this is like watching porn and having sex or getting a blowjob at the same time.”
One of the things I tried to make myself more comfortable (and hopefully compersive) about my wife — whom I will refer to here as SexyThing — being with another guy was to watch a lot of MFM porn.
It wasn't something I’d ever really enjoyed before, but I surprised myself and actually grew to like it. I think the thing that really got me most was the sounds the woman would make.
Often, when SexyThing masturbates, even if I’m not going for a completed blowjob, I’ll put my penis in her mouth just to hear the sound of her moaning into it, which I find incredibly sexy. That’s something that you get from MFM porn — and, I can attest, from actual MFM experiences (depending on the positioning, of course).
There’s a "sharing" element to my exhibitionism, and I found that to be satisfied with MFM threesomes.
Despite not being aroused in a bisexual sense, watching the guy SexyThing was taking care of and seeing how good a job she was doing was very erotic.
Again, it’s not something I would have predicted. When I go to play parties, I’m rarely looking at the guys. But in this case, it did it for me. Had I been closed-off from the "Devil’s Threesome" concept, I never would have discovered or experienced that.
It won’t surprise anyone who’s met (or even seen) SexyThing to learn it wasn’t difficult to find men who were interested in playing with her even if I was part of the package.
We started slow, with mostly kissing and fondling from the other guy, before we moved up from there.
One of her big concerns was logistical. Giving a good blowjob is hard enough, she said, but doing that "while I’m also getting having sex sounds like some expert level stuff."
She proved to be quite the expert in the end, but it shows just the sort of disconnect between porn and real sex that you have to be aware of before you try something new.
One thing we might have experimented with to increase our comfort level before trying our own MFM was for me to be the third with another couple.
That would have taken the pressure off, at least in terms of questions like"
- “What’s it going to feel like for me to not only be around sex acts involving other guys, but for that to be something I’m paying close attention, as well as physically close to?”
- "What’s it going to be like to touch or make eye contact with another guy during sex?”
These thoughts are less of an issue for men already experienced in group play in confined spaces, but since that category probably doesn’t include a majority of men, even in the swinger community, it’s a fair bet this would be a wise introduction for most.
I know a guy who is very interested in the swinger community, but doesn’t want other men to see him naked or vice versa.
I’m not sure how he survives at the gym, but maybe he’s just really good at changing under a towel and keeping his eyes on the floor. Regardless, MFM is clearly not for him, no matter what spin we put on it.
But for any men who are interested in a threesome, MFM may be something to keep in mind.
It can be a fun way to experiment with new positions, involve new partners, and allow a straight woman to double her fun, if you will.
So have some sympathy for the Devil.
Don’t ignore half of what threesomes have to offer. Experiment, maybe with porn or with fantasy, and see if the idea is actually something that turns you on.
It doesn’t have to be your ideal sexual encounter (mine is having my own harem, for the record), but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be fun.
Listen now: The crew from Life On The Swingset discuss negotiating threesomes, the variety of configurations, communication, what makes threesomes go bad and what makes threesomes go great!
The Doctor is not actually a doctor (though he has a 'juris doctor', does that count?). He and his wife 'Sexy Thing' (another Doctor Who reference...) live in our Nation's Capital of Washington D.C.