Fall In Love When You're Ready, Not When You're Lonely
Befriending yourself is one of the best decisions you will ever make.
NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock Women, you beautiful, wild, wonderful creatures. There are oceans inside you, waves crashing against the shore of every curve life has carved out of you. Some of you sirens, some of you as steady and certain as an ancient shoreline, some of you still curled up in shells under the seabed, not quite ready to wander out into the wide world.
But all of you, each of you, are so exquisitely, perfectly, fearfully made. See that. Accept that.
Learn how to fall in love with your body — this body that so beautifully holds your soul and your spirit. Explore it with reverence, let it be explored reverentially; it was made to give and receive pleasure, to give and receive pain, to give and receive life. Live in it, fully, forcefully, have fun and get hurt and be healed and be made whole again.
Wear tight jeans and long skirts and short shorts and bikini tops and turtlenecks and find what makes you comfortable, find the things that make you feel good. Your lives are not a fashion show, an exotic dance, a striptease, and the essence of you doesn't need to dance around a pole for the enjoyment of others.
Your life is your life, and it is important and magnificent. You are your own best (and sometimes only) advocate. Learn now that sometimes it's lonely, sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it feels like a punch in your throat, but it is necessary.
Befriending yourself and falling in love with yourself is one of the best decisions you will ever make. Know that you cannot control the thoughts and minds and bodies of anyone else, that how we respond to the world around us is only on us, and that we are neither responsible for nor the sole motivator of, the actions someone else chooses to take.
You are not Eve. There is no apple. There is no snake.
Men, you beautiful, bold, unwieldy creatures. There are seas inside of you. Some days are nothing but sunshine and you lie warm and full and content, sparkling under stars you can't see in the daytime. Some days are full of storms and you rage and toss, thunder under your skin. There are those of you who rarely see the sun and those of you who have rarely touched the rain.
But all of you, each of you, are so exquisitely, perfectly, fearfully made. See that. Accept that.
Learn how to fall in love with your body — the way you grew like oaks, your limbs strong and long and reaching into the earth and into the sky. Send your roots down deep and taste the sweet soil beneath you; stretch into the sound of the wind, and feel the kiss of the clouds as they pass through you.
Let yourself be climbed. Let someone build a haphazard house in the strongest parts of you. Let yourself be inhabited.
Read a book; read lots of books. Go fishing or go dancing. Wear khakis or Levis or sweatpants or fancy trousers that cost as much as the first paycheck you ever made. Do the things that make the best parts of you sing and don't be embarrassed by the way your voice sounds outside of the shower.
Know that a woman's worth is exactly as complex and as simple as your own: she is a person. Treat her like one. Don't treat her like a woman, just treat her like a person.
Respect her space. Respect her right to say "yes." Respect her right to say "no." Respect that any time the latter word is spoken, it's time to stop what you're doing and retreat, without rage, without recrimination.
Know that there are women out there who will hurt you on purpose and some who will hurt you with love in their hearts and tears on their faces, and you just have to go on, because this is how life often is: loving and then letting go and living some more.
Women. Men. Use these words as a mirror and fall in love for who you are. Don't fall in love with the idea of each other when you're lonely, when your heart is rebounding and your bed is empty.
Fall in love when your head is on straight, and your heart is full, and you're ready for a new adventure. Love that starts from a seed inside your own soul is the love that will take you where you want to go.
Cassie Fox is a writer and photographer. Equal rights and informed choice in everything are hugely important to her, and all of these things together form the backbone for much of her work.