10 CRAZY Things I Learned When I Went To A BDSM Sex Dungeon
It's kinky, sure, but it's not about sex.
weheartit As I got older, I became increasingly curious about the secret, dark world of BDSM. No one I knew could tell me anything about making my fantasy of becoming a dominatrix happen, so I let it go.
Interestingly enough, a random stranger I met online invited me to go to a BDSM dungeon to experience the sin, kink and debauchery for myself. I was ready — oh-so-ready! — to meet real live dominatrixes, masters and slaves, belting out evil laughs while enjoying the pleasure of inflicting pain.
What I encountered at the BDSM dungeon made me squeal with glee. I even signed up to attend the next event. Here are 10 things I learned from going to a BDSM sex dungeon.
1. It's not really about pain and torture — and nobody has sex.
That sexual "thing" you like to do privately that you think no one else is into, well ... there are plenty of people who are and you'll likely meet some of them at the dungeon. They will encourage you to be who you are and to accept yourself completely. There were dozens of people at the dungeon with alternative sexual and lifestyle preferences freely engaging with each other without judgment.
I initiallly thought BDSM was all about attaching metal clips to nipples and torturing a helpless partner for the purpose of evoking powerful orgasms but absolutely no one at the dungeon was fondling themselves or having sex in dark corners. It was more like a social party with costumes.
2. Public BDSM dungeons exist to provide a safe space for people to play kinky games.
The first person you'll probably meet at any dungeon will be someone wearing a leather skirt who is willing to show you her treasure chest of toy whips. She's a regular at the dungeon and she probably teaches classes on BDSM safety.
She will introduce you to others who share your same preferences so you will become more accepting of yourself and learn how to safely indulge in your kinks.
3. Sometimes the darkest secrets in the dungeon are the most fun.
In one room, I watched nervously as a couple prepared a table for their session. She rummaged through a big bag on a bench while he undressed down to a pair of shorts and climbed on the table laying flat on his back. She was dressed as though she had just left work.
His voice quivered as he asked, "How long this time?" She smirked and replied, "As long as I want." She tied his hands to the table above his head, his bare chest heaving in anticipation. She then secured his bare feet. She went over to her bag, retrieved a radio and turned it on. Soft music filled the room and he closed his eyes. I held my breath.
She walked over to him, smiled a sinister smile, and then she tickled him under his arm pits. He laughed and laughed, and she moved on to his rib cage and then down to the back of his knees.
I nearly fell over laughing. This was their session? This man had a thing for being tickled and his play partner indulged him in his desire. It's not always about pain; it's about experiencing pleasure the way you like it with someone you trust who loves you enough to indulge you.
4. People travel far and wide to be bound and whipped for fun.
I walked over to a different room. This time it was made up to resemble a jail cell with big metal bars instead of a wall. I watched from a safe distance. There was a woman inside in her underwear. Her hands were being locked into chains attached to the ceiling by another woman who was dressed as a police officer.
The woman who locked her into the chains took a step back and surveyed her. Then she went over to a table and picked up a long black whip and took a step forward. The crack of the whip against the woman's bare back made me jump, but the look on her face was of pure ecstasy.
I watched this scene for about 10 minutes, the two playfully hurling insults at each other, dancing this surreal erotic dance, satisfying each other without any skin to skin contact. It turns out that the woman who was being whipped had traveled from another country to visit this dungeon and she had been craving this experience.
5. You aren't required to participate.
There was a couple there on a date; I could tell by how formally they spoke to each other. They walked from room to room, whispered to each other, laughed a little, fondled the whips and toys being displayed by the elderly woman in the black leather skirt, and they left. There's no obligation to do anything.
6. There's no alcohol involved.
In order to play safely with consent, you need a clear and sober mind. There are no alcoholic drinks served or allowed in a legitimate, public BDSM dungeon so everyone can play safely.
7. The dungeon is a meeting place for all facets of the BDSM scene.
Sure, there are those interested in bondage and sadism, but you're just as likely to meet people interested in polyamory, age play or female domination. The BDSM dungeon is a safe space for those who want to meet others who have embraced the kinky part of themselves and want to be a part of a community of others who live alternative lifestyles openly.
8. You don't need to meet any qualifications to call yourself a master and find a slave.
I met a couple who were master and slave. After chatting with them, I learned they both lived with their parents and were depending on student loans to support themselves. I was under the impression that being someone's master meant that you were self-sufficient and wise. Not true.
Being a master in the BDSM world only requires that someone else call you by that name. You can be whoever you want to be as long as someone else is willing to play along.
9. Nearly everyone is hoping for a long-term (kinky) relationship.
If you think it's tough finding someone who enjoys watching reruns of Friends, imagine how tough it must be to find someone who likes watching Friends and calling you "Auntie" during sex. The level of commitment found in relationships that include elements of kink and BDSM is higher than more traditional relationships.
People who enjoy kink and BDSM want to meet someone they can trust to play out their fantasies on a long-term basis. It's not easy to find someone you actually like who also accepts your kinks, so when you do you appreciate them more and don't give up on the relationship easily.
10. The relationship between dominant and submissive isn't what you think.
People who wear the label of "dominant" enjoy having their wishes and needs met by their partner. People who wear the label of "submissive" enjoy attending to the needs and desires of their partner. There are no forced exchanges. It's simply two people whose needs match end up in a relationship that they both enjoy.
When you're watching people engaging in the dominant/submissive roles, it may seem as the though the dominant person has all the power — but they don't. People who enjoy being dominant or controlling others are actually at the whim of the submissive person who has agreed to give them control because at any time the submissive person can decide they don't want to comply. At that moment, the game is over for both of them.
So yeah, I participated. I gave out a few lashes with the whip. I tried out being both dominant and submissive, and I realized I'm neither. I'm just a woman who likes daily doses of Oreos and milk and watching HGTV until I fall asleep. So much for my dream of being a dominatrix.