How To Reach The 'Big O' When Your Body Just Won't Cooperate

Climax, la petite mort, Shangri-La, the BIG O! For some people, orgasm is the whole point of sex, but for others, it’s just an ancillary benefit of beautiful intimacy between two loving people.

So whether it's the icing on the cake or the entire erotic meal for you, sometimes achieving an orgasm doesn’t exactly go as planned. Especially for the ladies.

Looking at the science behind it all, female orgasm is just as dependent on the brain as it is on the clitoris. And for most women, that means achieving orgasm is often complicated (and frustrating).

Proper timing, positive physical sensations, and what's going on in her head, must all add up. And, the brain does not consider work stress, crying babies, unpaid bills, and the 'death by a thousand cuts' of modern life particularly “sexy.” In fact, in most cases these things hugely inhibit feeling sexy and turned on.

So what can you do? Dr. Pam Denton has some ideas (check out her insightful video above).

First, it's so important to know — there is nothing wrong with you. LOTS of women struggle with this. In fact, according to Planned Parenthood, as many as 1 in 3 women struggle to reach orgasm. So if you're in this boat, you're not alone.

Second, you’re likely putting way too much pressure on yourself to perform. Performance pressure doesn't help you or your partner. It just ups the tension in the room and who can let go and relax when they're busy thinking, "Come on already ..." Hint: Not many of us. 

Bottom line, the pressure must stop. You'll never get where you want to go if you're focusing is on what's wrong and not working.

Whatever it takes for you to stop pressuring yourself to perform, stop criticizing yourself if it doesn't happen, and stop beating yourself up for a less than perfect time with your lover — do it! You won't get better at something if you're constantly criticizing your every effort. Sex isn't chess. One wrong move won't end the game for you.

And if you're still not sure what to do, let Dr. Pam Denton help you. Watch the video above again and if you want more from Pam, visit her website SacredOSexuality.com for advice, consultations and more.