What It's REALLY Like To Have Your Vagina Steamed

When I read about vagina steaming treatments, I was equally intrigued and skeptical. So when I found out that there was a spa in New York City that offered the treatment, I knew had to try it myself.

And that's how I found myself venturing to Juvenex Spa for what their website calls the "Gyno Spa Cure." For $75, you get a 30-minute session that involves "utilizing healing herbs to irrigate the vaginal passage to restore optimum health." 

Um, OK. Irrigate, we shall.

Apparently, according to the woman who owned the spa, the steaming treatment is an ancient remedy that Asians have known for centuries and theirs was the first of its kind to introduce this treatment in the United States thirteen years ago. (I cannot 100% confirm that fact anywhere, so take it with a grain of salt.)

But back to the experience.

When I arrived at the spa, I changed into a robe (fully nude underneath) and sandals, and was then led over to something resembling an Adirondack chair. Underneath the chair, the attendant had placed something that looked like a humidifier. It was emitting warm steam.

She motioned for me to sit down and then put a blanket over my leg. Then, well, I spread 'em. The chair had open slats at the bottom, so I immediately felt the steam from the humidifier-like contraption rise up into my vagina. It was a nice sensation; nothing earth-shattering, but let's be honest: warm heat against one's cooch is never terrible. 

While my vagina was getting the full steam treatment, the attendant brought me over pineapple slices, tea, and a stack of magazines to read. To be honest, I didn't even realize that I would just be sitting naked, in a robe, over a steamer — I thought there would be more to it.

Oh! And it was in public, too. No, none of the other spa patrons could see anything X-rated because of the blanket, but it did feel a little strange to be sitting panty-less while strangers passed by me to use the hot tub. 

I'm sure they were confused: What treatment is she getting? I smiled at them limply.

Vagina steaming observations:

1. You can just as easily turn on a warm vaporizer and stand over it, spread-eagle, to get the same DIY experience.

2. Nobody in their right mind can complain about sitting in a spa, uninterrupted for half an hour reading magazines, while their vagina feels nice and toasty. But the downside is that as the steam turns into water, it starts dripping down your inner thighs a bit. 

3. I wish I had had a personal room. It's my vagina, for gosh sakes! 

4. If I'm going to dole out that kind of money, I'd much rather get a massage or a facial.

5. Post-steam, my vagina didn't feel any cleaner or rejuvenated. It felt ... well, exactly the same. My boyfriend also noticed no difference.

A let-down? Yes. But on the upside, the pineapple slices were delicious. Go for the pineapples.