There Are Dating Events Just For Skinny Women — And I'm PISSED
They check labels at the door — for real.
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock In the four years I've been dating in New York City, I really thought I'd seen it all. Especially when the topic of dating horror stories circulates over happy hour, my friends always turn to me and say, "Tell the one about the guy who cried on your first date," or "That time you had sex in public to save your relationship!" I've used the mantra "Let nothing surprise you and have no expectations" to lead my dating life in Manhattan — and thus far, it's served me well.
Until I discovered that a "Skinny Mini" speed dating event actually exists.
Oh yes. On Speed Dating, an NYC-based event planning company, recently hosted a speed dating event where only women who wear sizes 0 to 8 were allowed to attend.
From the website: "The average clothing size for adult women in the United States is a 14, making our upcoming "Skinny Minny" night for svelte women size 0-8 anything but average. Guys, no need to worry about meeting a biggie-size chick "down-sizing" to an 8 like when you're dating on-line. We'll be checking labels at the door....for real!"
As far as I can tell, there are no restrictions or requirements for the body type or clothing size of the men who sign-up for this event; only the women have to be held to a "svelte" standard, as they put it.
Disgusting.
This company has a similar sexist attitude toward men with another event titled "Size Matters," where men are required to be 6'1" and taller and another event where only self-proclaimed "nerds" can sign up (and "beautiful" women who want to meet the next Bill Gates). Sounds like this company is trying to make a niche for themselves as the most sexist, judgmental and stereotyping dating company in the city. Congratulations; as you're succeeding!
But let's take a second to list just a few of the reasons why hosting an event based on a woman's size is ridiculous:
1. Women aren't objects.
Repeat it after me: Women. Aren't. Objects. While it's true some folks might have a particular type, it's also true that what you generally find attractive changes with when you actually meet a person face-to-face.
Men who attend an event simply based on the fact that a woman will supposedly be a "skinny mini" are treating their potential future mate as an object that's been selected based on superficial characteristics instead of looking at their moral values, their shared interests or their sense of humor — all things that bode for a strong, long-term relationship far more than their jean label.
2. Women aren't Instagram filters.
Or Barbie dolls recreated in real life. Or airbrushed every single time we approach a man. Blame it on the media, porn industry or just unrealistic standards of beauty across every medium, but men and women are held to different esthetic standards.
The very fact that an event like this exists — and has attendance! — only proves that there are men out there seeking beauty before anything else. The upside is: Any man that chooses to attend an event like this isn't the type of guy I'd want to date, so thanks for weeding them out for me.
Imagine trying to explain how you met to your future kids: "We met at a speed dating event because your father was a shallow assh*le who only wanted to dating 'thin' women and I happened to be there because I was a size 6." Romantic, really.
3. Size means absolutely nothing.
Apart from the fact that your size changes depending on what clothing store and country you're shopping in, limiting those who are between a size 0 to 8 doesn't mean you'll get a "skinny mini." Someone could be a size 6, never work out, and weigh 150 pounds — or someone could be a size 6, work out all the time and weigh more because they're super-strong.
Size is a superficial structure and doesn't designate features that scientifically make you attracted to someone: eyes and smile. There's no size of those attributes, nor should there be.
Technically speaking, I'd be able to attend this event based on my size but luckily I have more self-respect for myself — and for women of all shapes — that I'd be thrilled to buy a drink for every man there, only to throw it in his face.
4. Love isn't about looks.
Sure, attraction is an important part of a healthy, sexy relationship. But looks will fade eventually. (Shocking, I know.) From aging to children and everyday stresses, maintaining a perfect physique isn't manageable, much less much of healthy attitude to have toward your body.
And that's where On Speed Dating is getting this whole process wrong: the foundation of a solid, sustaining relationship isn't built on what you look like. Instead, they're capitalize on superficial, minute details that shallow people think defines attractiveness — being thin, being over 6'2" — and they're entirely missing the actual factors — how you communicate, what you stand for, the joy you bring each other — that make people fall in love.
Frankly, this company hould be ashamed. Women are more than dress sizes and men are more than their heights. Being a size 10 doesn't make you less worthy of love, and neither does being 5'10."