The Devirginizers: Meet The Women Who Actively Seek Sex With Virgins

I've always felt that there's entirely too much weird energy placed on virginity. It seems old-fashioned and unenlightened how some cultures insist that a bride is a virgin by using virginity tests, or how some men will pay large sums of money to be a woman's first lover. Let alone the men who collect virgins as if they're a stamp or insect for a collection.

There seems to be a certain pride with popping someone's cherry (a term that sounds incredibly dated to me) like it's some kind of huge accomplishment. You were someone's first — it should be a bigger deal to them, not you. 

But men aren't the only ones who like collecting V-cards — there are a number of women who actively seek out male virgins.

A recent piece on Broadly looked into the phenomena of female "devirginizers" by speaking to three women: Catie, Kelly, and Rachel (all names have been changed) who have had sex with a number of male virgins. There are many reasons a woman might prefer someone who is sexually inexperienced.

1. Women have the freedom to take control.

One thing that motivates women to go after male virgins is that it gives them the freedom to take control and make sure that they get the kind of experience that they're looking for.

Dr. Kat Van Kirk Ph.D., MFT said, "Many women have discovered that they prefer to have sex with male virgins because they can be more in control and dominate play, in addition to being more vocal about their needs and directive about what they want. Some say that they prefer a virginal man or a man without much sexual experience because they show up with less expectations and more enthusiasm."

Kelly, 22, recounts her experiences with male virgins: "He was so nervous that I decided to take control. I loved edging him, stopping right before he was going to come."

In a rant on The Frisky Rant, Rebecca Vipond Brink said, "The last thing I wanted [after being raped] was an inattentive sexual partner who refused to listen to me about what made me comfortable and happy in bed, and I was grateful that when we [she and a male virgin] did have sex later that night, he proved to be anxious to learn, enthusiastic, happy to be there, caring, comforting and considerate."

2. Their innocence and inexperience are a turn-on.

Writer Risa Dixon said, "One of my girlfriends who is sexually active said it would be fun to date a virgin because it would be a thrill teaching him how to get down. She would be able to mold him into the exact kind of lover she wanted."

Sometimes post-sex, the male virgin may feel embarrassed and act distant, making the woman feel less than a lover and more like an impersonal scientist helping with a sex-experiment.

"I had sex with a 26-year-old who claimed to be a virgin, and I believe that he was. He was shy and a little embarrassed about getting naked, wanted to keep his shirt on," Catie, 45, said. "He had a look of amazement during the whole thing. Everything seemed to blow his mind. Touching me with his hand made his eyes get wide. It had a bit of a scientific feel to it, not very passionate or emotional."

Female cherry-poppers get a lot of satisfaction over being someone's first. Catie revealed her male virgin preference, saying, "I love making men nervous. And losing your virginity is one of the big life experiences. Everyone always remembers losing their virginity, and who it was with. I guess I like the thought that they will remember me many years from now." 

3. There's less of a chance of being exposed to STDs .

Or as Cosmopolitan puts it, "At least when you walk out of this dude's place in the morning, you won't have acquired another unsatisfying sexual encounter and a foreign strain of chlamydia."

4. There's something appealing about being a "cougar."

Catie said, "I really prefer younger men. All of them were attractive to me in general."

Seeking out male virgins goes along with the "cougar" ideology.

"The cougar trend has reduced stigma around older women bedding younger men. But you can also be considered a cougar if there is more than a five-year age difference and you are over the age of 35. As more women have become comfortable with the idea of having sex with younger or less experienced men, this trend [women actively seeking male virgins] is more common than it used to be," said Dr. Van Kirk.

5. They can also take a man's anal virginity.

Not all male virgins have never had sex before; they just haven't had anal sex. When asked what turned her on about taking an anal virginity, Rachel, 44, said, "Begging, the lead-up to the actual act, seeing someone go through the emotions, and seeing a man's body shake in anticipation."

In some ways, females who seek out virgins aren't that different than men: They want to be remembered, they want to be in control, and they like lovers who are STD-free.