When Your Husband Would Rather Jerk Off To Porn Than F*ck You

I'm pretty much your typical suburban housewife. Only, yesterday, I wasn't doing "typical" suburban things. I was snapping topless photos on my iPhone. They're for my husband. He's away for work. I adjusted the hue and selected the perfect filter, feeling flattered that my photo had been requested. I clicked send, buttoned up my shirt, and continued unloading the dishwasher. 

Twelve years and a few kids in, my husband still finds me attractive. We still have sex — although not as often as he'd like, I'm sure. But overall, we're in a good place. I might be inclined to take the state of our sex life for granted but I can't help but contrast what's going on behind the white picket fence, three doors down.

It's there that my friend lives, along with her husband and two kids. Sadly, her guy would rather jerk-off to YouPorn videos than make love to his wife.

He works from home in the mornings and makes certain to get the most out of his alone time. He walks the kids to the bus stop, heads back to his office, and indulges in a little quality time with his palm and his porn. It only takes a minute or two and with a quick wipe, he's ready to take on the day.

For lunch, he warms up a tin of soup and afterward (for dessert) he gives the chicken another choke. He then heads out for some meetings in the afternoon. This everyday dad and hubby has at least two orgasms within a typical work day, sometimes more.

When my friend gets home from work, her husband kisses her and asks how her day went. He'll even listen intently as she tells him all about it. Sadly, that's all she gets from him. He (not surprisingly) has little sexual desire for her, despite her efforts to entice him.

Even when he agrees to partake in sex, he only lasts a minute or two. And she's left unfulfilled, yet again. She doesn't know why things are the way they are. All she knows is that their sex life is pretty much non-existent.

She's starting to think there's something wrong with her but I know it's not her — it's him.

My husband is best friends with her husband and he knows (and has relayed to me) the ins and outs of his buddy's morning routine. I don't get it. He claims to love his wife yet his main sexual pleasure comes from porn and his own hand.

According to my husband, he never mentions his wife's discontentment.

I feel badly for my friend. I feel like she needs to know that her husband has a porn addiction. I feel like she deserves to know that it's not her fault, but I can't tell her. So I pour the wine when she needs to vent and I stand by quietly and reluctantly as she struggles to make sense of her sexless marriage.

I guess I'll buy her a vibrator for her 40th birthday, and in the meantime I'll count my lucky f*cking stars that my husband hasn't chosen porn over me.

BING. My phone beeped. Incoming is a dick pic from my husband. Perfect.