5 Times I'm Willing To Put Feminism Aside And Admit I Need A Man

By Allison Arnone 

I often talk about single life and how I needed to experience being “on my own” these past couple of years since it’s something I hadn’t really done much of in my past. Being single and living solo has taught me so much about independence, figuring shit out on my own, and honestly? Getting to know MYSELF without the attachment of a significant other.  

And I’m doing pretty damn well, I think.  :::pats self on back:::

But as a person who grew up in a house with parents who were always around and let’s face it – coddling me, and then having [female/friend] roommates for several years, and THEN living with significant others: there are certain things about being and living alone that you’re just not used to. There are times where you could really use someone around, situations you wish you didn’t have to face alone., and scenarios where you need some friggin help.

This is when I start to realize… ya know what?  I guess I *could* use a man around here. 

[Let me stop you right there fellow feminists; this is a lighthearted post. I KNOW I DON’T “NEED” A MAN FOR ANYTHING. #IAmWomanHearMeRoar #OKMovingOn]

Scenario 1: INSECTS

Whatever. Ever since CockroachGate 2014, it was made abundantly clear that as independent as I am, I CANNOT F&%$ING HANDLE BUGS. My entire body literally just got itchy while writing that sentence.

I’ve killed a couple of small unwanted insect visitors that have made their way into my apartment throughout the past two years, but that roach thing really shook me to my core. I mean, obviously…because I called my father to come kill it.

Living alone means I have to be the DBK (Designated Bug Killer) and well, that’s not really a job I want.

Scenario 2: HELP ME I CAN’T REACH

I’m only 5′4″, and the person who designed my apartment is clearly a height-ist who put cabinets and shelves out of short-people reach. I have to get a step stool out of the closet just to get a box of cereal from my cabinets and if I’m too lazy to do that (which is often), I hoist myself up on the counter and awkwardly grab for it with my fingertips; usually knocking other things over in the process.  

Ahem, I could really use a taller person around.    

Scenario 3: INTRUDERS

Last night, I was in a deep sleep and was woken up – wait, no, let me rephrase – I HAD THE SHIT SCARED OUT OF ME when my balcony door flew wide open in the middle of the night. I must not have fully closed it and a gust of wind busted that thing open loudly and violently; resulting in me assuming that someone had obviously scaled my apartment building and was coming to kill me in my sleep (I WATCH TOO MANY MURDER SHOWS).  

I love living alone 99.9% of the time, but there are those rare scenarios where I hear something and now I have to be the brave one who investigates it instead of sending someone else.

Scenario 4: THE CLICHE: I CAN’T ZIP UP MY FRIGGIN DRESS

…or get the clasp on my bracelet. I’ve had to do some contortionist-type maneuvers while getting ready; trying to zip things up or hook them on in hard-to-reach areas that no human should be able to get to on their own bodies. UH, A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE?

Scenario 5:  AYO TECHNOLOGY

Sigh. I’d like to think of myself as being technologically savvy, but guess what? I’m not. I try my hardest to figure certain things out and then I’m just left completely stumped.  

I ordered Google Chromecast a few months ago so I could watch my Netflix shows from my tablet on my big screen TV, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out which plug went where. I just started shoving things into where I thought they’d fit and nothing worked. I finally swallowed my pride and FaceTimed with my brother Mike, who helped me in…oh, I don’t know, four seconds? He also set up the Bluetooth in my car tonight cause I couldn’t do that, either. Don’t get me started on the time I blew a fuse.

Look, I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m wildly independent and self-sufficient in so many ways, but there ARE several reminders in my daily life that show me it would be nice to have someone else around sometimes.

AND YES, I’m fully aware that being in a relationship with someone comes with so many other essential perks: companionship, affection, love, and a deep connection, to name a few. 

But um, also? …I wasn’t kidding about the cockroaches. Somebody’s gotta come handle that.