How To Find A Quality Partner Without Getting Off The Couch
10 million married couples in America met online — how to be one of them.
Dean Drobot, Jacob Lund OlcayErtem | Canva You probably know a happy couple or two who met online. A 2010 Stanford survey confirms that 10 million married couples in America met that way, making running into the love of your life in line at the local coffee shop a far less likely scenario. But that survey is from 2010 and a lot has changed about the way people now approach online dating — mainly, the rise of the infamous "hookup culture" on sites and apps like Tinder, Grindr, etc. So how likely is it these days to find a real relationship and lasting love through online dating sites?
Former YourTango host and Senior VP Melanie Gorman asked our Experts for their best advice and insights on the topic. Weighing in was relationship and communication expert Fiona Fine; matchmaker and dating coach Jasbina Ahluwalia; author and dating coach Gregg Michaelsen; and notable biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher. Our Experts agree — online dating is still one of the most powerful and viable tools for finding a compatible spouse.
"Online dating is an extremely powerful tool in finding a long-term committed relationship," says Jasbina Ahluwalia. "The key here is to use online dating as a tool, and the master of that tool is your goal of a long-term relationship. Don't let the tool itself basically transform your goal." As for whether people are more interested in real relationships or casual hookups online, Dr. Helen Fisher reassures us that only about 10 percent are just looking for intimacy. "It's amazing how earnest people are on the internet and how they really are looking for a long-time partnership." So, how do you navigate the online dating world if a spouse is your ultimate goal? The Experts tackle that from the following angles:
- You should meet as many people as you can before you pick one to get to know them better
- The downsides of choice overwhelm and FOMO (fear of missing out)
- Have fun dating even when you're looking for a serious relationship
- Know how to pick the right site or app to join based on your relationship goal
- Express your desire for a long-term relationship upfront without scaring anyone off, and if you do, they weren't meant for you
The bottom line — you can still find your "forever love" online IF you approach online dating with the right mindset and the right expectations. Read the tips above to help get your online dating approach in order. If you feel like you need help finding "the one," just keep putting yourself out there. Stay safe, and have fun dating!
Melanie Gorman is the former Senior VP of YourTango Experts. Gregg Michaelsen is a best-selling author and one of Boston's top dating coaches. He has appeared on ABC, Fox, The Good Men Project, NBC, and more. Jasbina Ahluwalia is a matchmaker and the founder of Intersections Match. She has been featured in Business Week, Chicago Tribune, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, Inc., San Jose Mercury News, and more. Fiona Fine is an author, life coach, and relationship and communications expert who specializes in men-women interactions. Helen Fisher Ph.D., is a biological anthropologist and Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and Chief Scientific Advisor to the dating site Match. She is the author of the book The Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray, among other titles.