6 Compatible Traits Every Couple Needs For A Successful Marriage, According To Psychology
Do you and your partner share any of these traits?
Juanmonino | Canva You think you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but how do you know if they're actually "the one"? You could hire someone to chart your zodiac signs, or you could take compatibility tests. But there's another way to determine your love compatibility.
Peter Pearson, a couples therapist and co-founder of the Couples Institute, revealed the most important elements of a successful marriage. His first response? Chemistry. Relationship expert and author of Date Out of Your League, April Masini, also shared, "Chemistry is like a strong drug that attracts people to each other, even when they don't seem like a good match."
Pearson suggests using a little bit of transactional analysis. Transactional analysis (TA) is a model of people and relationships that was developed during the 1960s by Dr. Eric Berne. T.A. is based on two ideas: 1) that we have three parts or ego states to our personality, and 2) that these talk to each other in transactions, hence the name.
While being able to match your partner in every area is the best scenario, sometimes people get involved in relationships with people who will balance them out.
Here 6 compatible traits every couple needs for a successful marriage, according to psychology:
1. Commitment to each other
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Both parties are committed to each other and their relationship. This falls into the parent ego state, where both parties share the same level of value regarding their bond. Commitment is necessary for a relationship to grow, research from The National Library of Medicine claims.
2. Consideration of each other
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Compatible couples never forget the importance of their relationship, and make sure to be considerate and present for their partner. In the adult ego state, this includes considering another person's happiness before one's own and learning lessons from previous relationships. One University of Alberta study shows how putting your partner first can help you and your relationship be happier.
3. The ability to keep things fresh
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While a couple may age, they make sure their relationship stays youthful. As part of the child ego state, be spontaneous and open to learning new things.
4. A shared sense of humor
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A sense of humor can bind a couple together, help release frustration and tension, and simply be fun. Also falling into the child ego state, have fun together. Studies from the University of California show that having a relationship filled with laughter can lead to a happier one.
5. A shared desire for intimacy
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You don't have to have physical intimacy every day, but showing intimacy with touch or a gesture, or listening when your partner is expressing their feelings, shows true compatibility, studies confirm. This is part of both the adult ego state and/or child ego state, as intimacy is something you feel but could have learned from previous relationships.
Couples who connect with each other on a variety of levels, and share many of the same personality traits and values, have a greater likelihood of going the distance in their relationship.
6. The ability to show up when it matters
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All a relationship is, is being there for someone. Sometimes that looks like compromising, or having tough conversations, even when you don't want to.
It looks like having a bad day at work and coming home and doing the dishes because you know your partner is sick. Sometimes it looks like picking the kid up from school every day for a month because your partner has to go take care of their sick mother. Love is a choice you make every day, even when it's hard.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer whose articles have appeared in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Woman's Day, Purple Clover, and Bustle. She is a regular contributor to Ravishly and YourTango.