An Open Letter To All The Dudes Who Don't/Won't Give Oral Sex

Dear Dudes Who Don't Give Oral:

Hello there, dude. It's me, the woman you slept with last night — the woman you sleep with each night. Or, perhaps, the woman you want to sleep with.

I'm writing to tell you something important, something that increases your chance of getting laid by any woman with half a head of brains.

Give oral sex. 

Yes, that's right: give oral sex to a woman.

See, some of you dudes like to ask and ask — and ask — for a blow job repeatedly. It's the first thing out of your mouths in the morning and the last thing out of your mouths at night.

When you're feeling cheeky. Tired. Hungry. Sad. Mad. Great. You want a blow job. Yet, you're also the same guy who refuses to go downtown on your woman.

You say, "I only do that when I feel really comfortable with a woman."

Or, "That's really intimate. It takes me a while."

Or, "I'm not really into that."

You have a million and one excuses for your poor bedroom manners. Yes that's right, you suck big time each and every time you say no to going down on a woman.

I don't care if you don't like it. We don't care if you don't like it. We don't care if it's intimidating or you're not sure what a clitoris is or how to find it.

We don't care if you're waiting to fall in love. Your excuses are BS.

You want us to service you, yet when it comes time to return the favor you're one stingy little b*tch?

We've had enough. If the vagina is that scary to you, be honest with us. Ask us for directions (oh god, I know! How awful!)

If you're afraid you won't please us, tell us. Trying and failing is better than turning us down all together. We'd rather give you a tutorial than end up feeling rejected.

By avoiding going down on your woman you're telling her: I reject you. I reject your vagina. I don't think you deserve pleasure. I don't think you're worth the effort. Or, even worse, I don't like the way your vagina looks. EEK!

We aren't here for your pleasure. We aren't here to service your needs while forgetting our own. Sex is a joint venture; it's an experience between two and both people deserve to exit this adventure with a smile on their faces.

So, if you want to ride the roller coaster, little boy, you better be prepared to pay for your ticket.

Signed,

The Women of the World and Our Vaginas