I Learned How To Striptease For My Wife To Save My Marriage
Sex became more of a chore for my wife than a physical gesture of love. Here's how we fixed that.
LightField Studios / Shutterstock I'm on a mission to find sexy underwear, but it's more than that. I have to learn how to do a striptease to save my marriage.
"What kind of underwear do you want me to wear?" I ask.
Els, my wife, shows me some satin boxer-briefs she likes. I usually wear cotton boxer shorts. And I ask, "What turns you on about these?"
Suddenly, we're having a conversation and getting to know different sides of one another and ourselves, too. The reason? Sunday is our "night of passion."
We've agreed beforehand that there's no expectation of sex on this night but so far, we haven't been able to contain ourselves. On the first night of each week, my wife and I set out to explore our erotic sides together. And learning how to perform a striptease for your wife can accomplish just that.
It helps us build our bond and grow closer. We usually talk about what we want to do the previous Sunday, what our homework is, and what kinds of things interest or excite us.
But let me back up a bit.
Els and I have been married six years. We were together only a few months before signing the papers. Yet, we became an old married couple in a short time. What was once called the "seven-year itch" is now the "four-year slump." Though common, it felt disastrous at the time.
Sex became more of a chore for my wife than a physical gesture of love or an exploration of her erotic, passionate self. We began squabbling intermittently. Els would drop hints about certain things and I wouldn't pick up on them. She was speaking indirectly, but I believed she was trying to manipulate me.
Her way of approaching subjects mimicked a pattern from my childhood. She was triggering an old defense mechanism. I'd get angry and yell at her, but she didn't know why.
She felt like she had to walk on eggshells. Meanwhile, I was completely unaware that she felt this way. Due to our communication problems, our bond became weaker and she lost interest in sex. But off course, I still had a libido.
As things became more and more routine, I met a woman at a party and couldn't stop talking. Sometimes, the sexiest thing in the world is electrified conversation. We would text all the time and meet for lunch or coffee.
I told my wife about her. Els and I both have friends of the opposite sex, because neither of us is the jealous type. It wasn't a big deal. Yet, this woman and I had tremendous chemistry.
Even though we never did anything, it felt as though I was having an affair. I could, for the first time in my married life, see myself cheating. It scared me
Els and I planned a hiking trip. That morning when she climbed into the car, I told her we had to talk. I had met someone, I said. We had flirted. It was innocent. It didn't mean anything. But it had awoken feelings inside of me. It made me feel sexy and desired. And I felt these things were missing from our marriage. I told her I needed love, romance, and good sex in my life.
I started crying. I told her I wanted to figure things out. Why didn't we feel that way about each other anymore? We started talking about our problems. We focused on where things went astray. We figured out what the problem was and how to communicate so she didn't trigger my defenses, and I remained open to what she was saying.
As we made headway on our communication issues, we talked about sex. I told her that I felt she was always pushing our sex life off, rescheduling for days that would never come.
I wanted to explore our love as a couple but she was always preoccupied with responsibilities. For her part, she didn't feel as close to me anymore and our bond was strained, which shut down her erotic, romantic side.
While men can compartmentalize, if a woman isn't happy in the relationship, her concern suppresses her need for romance and sex. In terms of physicality, some experts say to schedule sex. We don't like that idea; it seems very "wifely duties." Instead, maybe husbands should learn how to perform a striptease for your wife.
With our Sunday "night of passion," we've agreed mutually beforehand not to have any expectations. Instead, we spend this time exploring our erotic interests. An atmosphere slowly builds; exploring gets us going.
Which brings us back to the underwear and the striptease. I found two sexy pairs of microfiber boxer-briefs, like the ones she showed me. One pair is red with Celtic knots on each side, tastefully done, and a design she loves. The other is plain black with a red elastic waistband.
I've thumbed through the music selection. I'm going with AC/DC "Back in Black" — a classic. I'll turn the big living room chair ninety degrees, giving me a long runway.
I've watched a few instructional YouTube videos on performing a proper male striptease. I've even strutted around a bit, walking through the basic routine, including some special moves at key intervals. I know she'll love it.
Philip Perry has been a full-time writer and blogger for the last three years. He is a contributing writer at Big Think. His work has appeared on Your Tango, STEMJobs, Hack Writers, NJ.com, InTravel Magazine, Quarterly Access, and more.