The Intimate Activity That Will Immediately Predict If Your Relationship Will Work Out
If the kissing isn't good, the rest of it won't be either.
Ratana21 | Hirurg | Getty Images I wouldn't say that the first guy I kissed was a bad kisser, per se (I'm sure someone likes that type of tongue-gagging technique), but because he didn't kiss like me (or at least how I imagined a kiss should be) it was awful. I wish I could say that was my only awful kiss.
Before you even get into the intimacy side of things, there's the kiss. For many, a kiss can make or break it, because there's nothing quite as dissatisfying as kissing someone who doesn't kiss the way you kiss.
As someone who's more about lips, less about tongue — and definitely about some little bites tossed in there for fun — having found myself with people who are tongue-oriented kissers has been a nightmare.
What are they thinking? Do they like tasting my molars? I should really floss more.
First of all, it's a struggle. You lean in and realize right off the bat that something isn't right. At first, you sort of give in to what they're doing, but when you realize it's doing nothing for you — except maybe grossing you out — this begins the kissing-style battle.
You fight for them to conform to your way of kissing while trying to get a rhythm that works for both of you but your attempts at manipulating the situation fall flat. You even pull away and make a joke, a little "oh, you kiss differently from me" comment in the hopes that they'll pick up on your not-so-subtle subtlety.
Hoping that you've made your feelings about the scenario clear, you go for round two but again, you end up fighting a losing battle.
You try and you try, but are forced to realize that when someone is set in their kissing style ways, it's nearly impossible to break them of their habit, just as it is for them to break you of yours.
You end up being two people silently fighting it out, frustrated at just how much of a disappointment it all was.
If you're smart, you'll throw in the towel and give up the good fight because it's costing you too much energy. But if you really like the guy, aside from the madness that is his wonky kisses, you try to duke it out.
You try to hope he learns and evolves and perhaps picks up on what you're putting down. If you succeed, you deserve a medal. If you don't, then it's best if you just call it quits. It's a tragedy, but life is full of tragedies.
But sometimes, tucked in between all those people who don't kiss like you, you find your match.
Instead of leaning in and experiencing a kiss that's liable to make you up your antidepressant dosage for the next few weeks, you find your kissing soulmate.
Your lips lock, and your tongues give each other just the right amount of attention as opposed to feeling like you're having your tonsils examined, and there's magic. It's as if the world is moving right along with just how in sync you are.
You've achieved the ultimate satisfaction and if this person possesses even half of their kissing skills in the bedroom, you know you're going to be intimate until the sun comes up. It is, to say the least, glorious.
The point of this ramble? We all experience that kisser who doesn't kiss like us. We all know the pain, the disappointment, and even the anger that comes with it, especially if the kisser is excessively hot, because OMG, they should kiss amazingly.
But for every kisser who just doesn't get your brand of kissing, there's another one just around the corner who's going to blow your mind. The point is that you can never give up hope. Your kissing twin is out there and you WILL find them.
Amanda Chatel is an essayist and intimacy health writer for YourTango, Shape Magazine, Hello Giggles, Glamour, and Harper's Bazaar.