A Spiritual Mentor Shares The One Phrase That Heals Post-Divorce Hearts
Realize the pain, and then let it go.
Breslavtsev Oleg / Shutterstock When I first became a single mama post-divorce, the idea of moving on and moving forward from my relationship with my ex was very attractive.
My attitude was, onward and upward with whipped cream and a cherry on top please!
But it wasn't that easy. The reason being (same as so many single mamas), I had major resentment toward my ex. I felt I was right and he was wrong. Period. End of discussion.
I was fine with that stance for a while, until I saw that my resentment was holding me back from being a fulfilled, joyful human being.
While I was totally in love with my angelic daughter, I shut down everything else. I shut down the slightest possibility of being in a failed, hurtful relationship ever again. I stopped contacting friends. And although unintentionally, I shut down my finances.
Resentment was shutting down my life. I had to find a way back to joy.
For me, the way back started with the all-important first step of recovery — releasing post-divorce resentment.
Why let resentment go?
- Resentment is a form of anger. According to the wisdom of Chinese medicine, anger is one of the emotions that causes illness. Anger that you hold onto gets held in your organs, and deteriorates them. It literally eats away at you.
- You're an awesome single mom who wants to be an example to your child(ren) of what it is to be whole, happy, healthy, empowered, and free — not angry, bitter and resentful.
- I'm not saying you're wrong to be angry. I'm saying that being righteous in your anger, ultimately, doesn't make you any happier. It actually may be keeping you from being happy and healthy. Are resentments from a relationship that didn't last really worth your happiness for the rest of your life?
How do you let resentment go?
Ho'oponopono, ladies! Ho'oponopono is a healing method introduced to the world by Hawaiian culture. This healing method provides miraculous healing and small miracles to wherever they're directed. We can all use a small miracle, right?
So, use these 3 steps to heal your resentment:
1. Ho'oponopono for your ex.
The beauty of this process is that you don't have to totally mean or agree with the affirmations. All you have to do is say them and really want to heal.
Don't get me wrong; it helps for you to find authentic meaning in the affirmations. But it's not a requirement for them to work for you.
Recall a situation with your ex that you resent. Then, speak these affirmations aloud:
- 'Ex's name,' I forgive you for ____ (what you resent).
- 'Ex's name,' I'm sorry. (Even if you don't mean it or understand it, say it. Forget about being right. This is about healing and moving on.)
- 'Ex's name,' thank you.
- 'Ex's name,' I love you.
Then, with a pen and paper, write the affirmations down.
2. Ho'oponopono for yourself.
Essentially, you're angry because you feel you've been dishonored, disrespected, or personally violated in some way. I don't have to know your ex, or the details of your relationship, to know that you have every right to feel the way you do.
The deeper truth is that people treat you the way you're already treating yourself. I know that's a tough pill to take. But if you search in earnest in your heart and mind, you know there's truth to this.
To heal this resentment in you:
Write down all the ways you dishonored, disrespected and violated yourself in the relationship with your ex. Notice how those patterns may still be playing out in your life today.
Then, speak these affirmations aloud:
- 'Your name,' I forgive you for ____ (insert what's appropriate here).
- 'Your name,' I'm sorry.
- 'Your name,' thank you.
- 'Your name,' I love you.
Then, with a pen and paper, write the affirmations down.
3. Finally: Practice massive self-care.
When you notice your patterns of dishonoring, disrespecting and violating yourself, stop them immediately. If you can't stop, be willing to stop. There's great power in your willingness.
In stopping, you'll naturally want to find ways to take better care of yourself. Maybe you need more sleep. Maybe you'd do well to start exercising consistently. Maybe spend some time in nature. Maybe drink more water. Maybe you need to shake your ass on a dance floor.
Start adding things in your life, every day, that honor and nourish your mind, body, heart, and soul.
The more you build up your self-care muscle, the less likely you'll fall back into patterns of self-denial and not honoring the awesome, beautiful soul you really are.