I Lost My Virginity To A Nymphomaniac (And It Ruined Me For Life)
Is she the reason I'm such a sexual freak?
4 PM Production / Shutterstock One may think losing your virginity is every young man's fantasy, right? Sadly, my experience might just dash a few sexually charged teenagers' dreams.
But that's no matter — we're all adults here, right?
So, close your eyes for a moment and imagine yourself at 16. That's the ripe old age in which, for all intents and purposes, I became "a man," and the age in which I lost my virginity to nymphomaniac and it screwed me for life. No joke. For life, y'all.
Allow me to set the scene and paint a picture for you:
Sixteen-year-old Nate Mott wasn't a shy guy. In fact, I would describe myself as a tad cocky. You see, at this point in my life, I was not only overcompensating for being the short, small guy — I know, I know, total "Napoleon Complex" — but I was also a sophomore at a private co-ed boarding school in New Jersey, which gave me a slight inferiority complex.
Couple my cockiness with being a raging, hormonal teenager dead set on having sex and I think you get the picture that I was arrogant, all too proud to have avoided a committed relationship and yet, still have a few sexual experiences under his belt.
(Sorry, I never said this picture would be pretty. And without divulging down the path of "right" or "wrong," or the sexual peer pressures teenagers face, this is simply how I felt at the time.)
At sixteen, I desperately wanted to get it in with a lady — plain and simple.
Sue me, right? All men can relate to that desire. So, my 16-year-old psyche was: find girl, make her my girlfriend.
My desire to get laid changed the moment I laid eyes on her.
It was like the heavens opened and cast a radiant white light on her that first time this gorgeous Brazilian walked into my Spanish 2 class. (Imagine this scene in a very 80s movie). I went from not only wanting sex but also wanting to "know" her (seriously, no scoffing at my cheesiness).
I managed to maintain composure enough to have a few gentlemanly dates with her, whom I will now refer to as "The Brazilian" to maintain her privacy, which eventually led to our first time having sex in my dorm room.
So many people have horror stories of their first time being an awkward mix of jerky motions and uncomfortable pauses. But not us; it was like Hoover Dam broke and the torrents of gushing water came roaring in around us.
When we finally came up for air, we found ourselves staring at each other like the world had suddenly become clear. Like rabbits in the spring, we would meet multiple times per day to push the limits of what we had joyfully discovered.
In the beginning, there was some experimenting with, let's try it this way, or, what if I put my leg like this? Looking back now, had I realized how rare it was for a young woman to be so open with her sexuality, I might've seen the writing on the wall of things to come.
Soon, she wanted to experiment with "role-playing" and becoming "dominant" with me. Then came ropes, handcuffs, and eventually, another person.
I discovered — or should I say, she discovered — that she was also attracted to woman. Our sexual experimentation went on for a long time and my feelings went from ones of being sexually charged to ones of deep, adolescent love.
Thus, I began to associate being tied up or inviting a third party into the bedroom with truly loving someone.
Sadly, like most teenage relationships, The Brazilian and I eventually broke up. I moved on to college, leaving her to finish her senior year at boarding school.
Away at college is when I realized for the first time just how effed-up I was when it comes to expressing my physical affection. I call this my "de-programming" phase.
Because what do you think happened when I tried my old moves on a new young lady? You guessed it: "Excuse me? You want to do WHAT?".
I figured (hoped) my first few attempts were just a fluke but after several similar attempts resulting in the same reaction, I started questioning myself. The beautiful Brazilian ruined me for life.
For several years, I was lost in my sexuality. I struggled with the things I wanted to do in the bedroom. When it came to ropes, cuffs, and threesomes I was lost as to how to approach them with women. It had been so easy before.
I felt like a "sexual freak" for so long, like my desires were too taboo. Thankfully, as we age, we turn our experiences into lessons; I grew from this and became confident in the things I wanted and who I was looking for.
But I'd be lying if I said my teenage experiences didn't still haunt me a little to this day.
In the end, compromise, respect, and exploration seem to be the best course of action. After all, whomever you share the bedroom with is an individual who has their own set of rules. My advice: Don’t be afraid to push the limits. You’ll be surprised what you might like.
Howard Hunter is a songwriter, stepdad, and adventurer from Nashville, Tennessee.