2 Ways To Get On The Same Page With Your Man About Your Fantasies

Even though you love your husband and want to to be intimate with him, something just isn't working. You've both come to the realization that your sex life is pretty lackluster, in spite of how hard you try.

You don't share the same sexual likes and dislikes and can't seem to get on the same page. Instead, this soon becomes a laborious ordeal to maintain the sexual intimacy, and the original fairytale love begins to fizz out.

Many partners find communicating about turn-ons and offs and sex in general difficult. But everyone is forgetting that you can't read each other's minds!

According to Psychology Today's Kristen Mark, PhD, MPH, your perception of your personality compatibility has A LOT to do with how you perceive your sexual compatibility. If you feel like you don't share many likes and dislikes in personality in general or while you are arguing, then you feel the same way in terms of turn-ons and offs.

This means you cannot feel satisfied in any area of your relationship, including in sex! Then, how will a couple EVER be on the same page with their sexual fantasies?

Host Dr. Tammy Nelson, Imago Institute's Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Tony Victor LCPC, Sue Butler LMFT and Certified Sex Therapist Kimberly Anderson all agree that if there is a will, there is a way! They sit down to discuss how couples can work together to recreate their fairytale romance.

1. Talk It Out!

The best way to get comfortable to discuss what sexual pleasures turns you on is to say it openly. Without saying it, your partner won't know.

Harville raises an excellent point by saying,"What happens when there is the vulnerability of sharing, a new level of connecting occurs, and then one begins to see that the other wishes were often symptomatic of something authentic and deep that was missing. So then, that can move in, and they can have sort of an intimate, safe sexuality that actually begins to mitigate their desire for something that would be unusual."

2. Create A No Judgement Zone. 

Nowadays, it's somewhat of a norm to feel embarrassed about sexual desires and pleasures. Get rid of that embarrassment by not judging their turn-ons and offs, no matter how taboo it may seem to you. Be curious and intrigued instead, and find some common ground for mutual satisfaction.

Helen explains, "They might still disagree, but if they can feel safe in their relationship and have times of mutually respectful dialogue, they can move into the upper brain and learn to co-create." 

If you're facing an impasse with your partner and can't seem to find that common ground, talking it out is a great place to start. Watch the rest of this video to hear all of the spot-on advice oour experts have on recreating that fairytale love that brought the two of you together.