Meet The Woman Who Plans To Marry A Tree
Interesting choice.
stockfour / Shutterstock Emma McCabe, a 31-year-old woman, says she's fallen in love with a tree.
(Yes, you read that right. I mean I get it. A lot of men these days are so uncommitted and don't know what they want. With a tree, she knows where his roots are and she can watch him actually grow.)
Apparently finding love with a human being was just not working out for her.
Can you really blame her? Men these days suck. You date him while he dates other girls and all the while you're hopelessly in love with him and he doesn't care.
With a tree, you always know where it is. And more likely than not, the tree will at least be over six feet.
McCabe's story was featured in the British tabloid, Closer, and in the interview, she talks about her love for a tree she's named Tim.
Tim the tree. He almost sounds like he could be a Disney character.
In fact, it's so serious, they even have a sexual relationship. On a side note, I will say, there are better ways to get laid ladies.
"My feelings are genuine. I've had boyfriends, but never connected with anyone like Tim," she said.
"I'm in love and would like to get married. I look at other trees, but don't touch — I wouldn't cheat on Tim," Emma McCabe said.
Well, uh, good to know that she's at least faithful.
With love and commitment like that, there might be hope for some of us after all.
She then goes on to talk about how the two get naughty and intimate.
"He fulfills my emotional and sexual needs. I orgasm by rubbing against the bark naked. I love the feeling of skin-on-bark contact, which gives me a more pleasurable pain sensation, and the feel of his leaves against my skin makes me tingle. I have sex with him every week — it's the best I've ever had!"
How has this woman not been caught and arrested for doing this in public?
McCabe plans to have a small wedding ceremony, with Tim.
Allegedly, the family was reached to talk about the non-traditional relationship, but they refused to comment.
It must be pretty easy to shop for them, at least. She just needs a new pair of socks every year and he needs fertilizer. Make one stop at that specific strip mall with a Home Depot and an Old Navy.
Nicole Weaver is a love and entertainment writer for Yourtango who specializes in timely news topics.