5 Critical Signs Your Guy Has A Heart And Is Genuinely Kind
Here are 5 signs he's a genuinely kind person.
Daria_vg/ Shutterstock By Bryan Reeves
We, men, tend to think of "heart" as merely something to help us win the close game or appeal to a woman's romantic side. That's like thinking the sun is only good for heating bath water.
A man genuinely connected to his heart, who lives each day with his brain and balls in proper service to his heart's deeper wisdom, is a man that breathes life into the world. He can inspire and lift up the world, even if it's only one person's world.
How does a man connected to heart show up every day, not just when his team is down 5 points with a minute remaining? What does such a man look like?
Here are 5 critical signs your guy has a heart and is genuinely kind:
1. He's deeply patient
With himself. With others. With life. When we're connected to the heart, we're able to be patient with and authentically love life, ourselves, and other people, even when they don't do what we want them to do, which is almost always.
In the military, I was so disconnected from my heart that I hated life. I was imprisoned in my brain. The day I left base for the last time, I headed for the open road with only a backpack and pent-up rage. Little did I know, I was also heading into the darkest night my soul has ever experienced.
That dark night waxed and waned for 12 years and involved angry women and drugs and heartbreak and financial ruin. I was always impatient for the rest of the world to change so I could finally feel good, and I acted out countless ways to make it change. By the end, my ego had been gutted so profoundly, I finally had to accept just how little I am in control of anything or anyone, and just how messy life is.
When I finally emerged from that dark night, I found myself in a new reality that showed me we are all innocent in our ignorance. We are each doing the best we can, all the time, even when it doesn't look that way. If we truly knew how to do things better, we'd do it.
My patience remains a work in progress for my brain, but my heart is no longer a slave to my brain or my balls. I can move powerfully towards my true heart's desire with patience enough to allow life its surprise curve balls.
2. He laughs easily, and authentically
I didn't really know laughter until I was well into my 30s. Oh, I laughed plenty before then. But I took myself and life so seriously that my laughter was shallow and intellectual. Only I didn't know that until the wisdom in my heart started showing me the wild beauty in all things.
My intellect has always been predisposed to lie to me by telling me things are worse than they really are. My brain usually says I've got to work harder, be better and do more just to survive, never mind thrive. It says the same about you.
My heart is perfectly content to enjoy this moment. It can find innocence in almost any situation, and it can laugh effortlessly at the crazy divine comedy that is life. The heart doesn't laugh in shallow arrogance through a facade of "I'm better and smarter than you."
A man connected to heart knows we're all made of the same stuff underneath the surface gloss. The laughter that erupts from that place is profound, divine. It's like the sound of love tickling itself.
3. He's kind to the world
A man connected to his heart is kind to everyone. That doesn't mean he likes everyone. It doesn't mean he tolerates everyone. He might even put someone in jail if they prove to threaten the world he envisions. But he can always see the innocence that leads to ignorant, even awful behavior.
A man connected to the heart can hold compassion for the worst, even as he locks the cell door. I saw this in my relationships with women who acted in destructive ways because they did not know how to effectively communicate their pain to me. Stuck in my head, I judged and fought them for their immature behavior while ignoring the pain at their core.
With an open heart, I'm more able to stay kind to an intimate partner acting out her pain. And yes, like most things, it's a work in progress.
4. He's fully present
I hear from women that their men don't seem to be present with them. What does that even mean? When a man connected to his heart listens, he doesn't just listen for a way into the outcome he wants. He listens with his whole body for the deeper message beneath the words.
Being fully present is a full-body sport: it requires the full participation of the head and the heart. When a man lives in his head, his partner won't feel him present. One way that reveals itself is through the quality of his listening.
When I was trapped in the brain-ball matrix, I would only listen to a girlfriend with the singular intent of evaluating to respond. I wanted to keep our thoughts in agreement because that's the only place I figured peace of mind could happen. My attempt to intellectualize every argument, however, mostly created chaos.
When a man connected to his heart listens, he listens with his entire body. He doesn't just listen for a way into the outcome he wants. He listens with his whole body for the deeper message beneath the words. He listens at the level of heart, where the real truth often resides. His partner can feel this, his presence, when he breaths deeply and listens with his whole body.
5. He's passionately living his true purpose
The work I did in the military felt completely out of alignment with my true purpose. I was miserable. The day I left, I instinctively knew to run fast and run far. Not from the military, but from living inauthentically.
A man connected to his heart lives the truth inside that heart, whatever it looks like. If he's doing work he doesn't love, he's doing it for bigger reasons driven by his authentic heart; perhaps to take care of his family or serve his community.
In my case, after years of running from the imaginary security of a paycheck in search of authentic work aligned with my heart's desire, I finally found it in writing and coaching. I'm really good at both, and I make a meaningful difference in people's lives every day. I would have never come this far if not for the immense power in my heart.
Brian Reeves is a former US Air Force Captain, relationship coach, and the author of Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her).