Sorry Not Sorry! 30 Best Comebacks For Your Awful Ex
Give your jerk ex one of these burns.
There are many things we would like to say to our exes after a breakup. Sometimes they don't come out the way we want them to because we get too frustrated and frazzled — but there's nothing more satisfying than finding memes, quotes, or roasts for your ex that sum up your feelings.
If you're on the opposite side of the scale and you want him to come back, there are several different ways of getting an ex to miss you. To make your ex think about you all the time, simply give him space, make him wonder how you are, and then let him come to you, without letting him think he has you back.
But to really hurt your ex in the classiest way possible, you want to hit them where it hurts most to make them feel the pain they caused you. To make him hurt, remind him of how terrible you're feeling or how he made you feel. Let him know that he wasted and ruined this time of your life by breaking up with you, and you're never going to settle for a man like that.
You might say, "Just leave me alone. You aren’t good enough for me and I would never want to take you home to my parents," or "No one can make someone like you happy." You could also be a bit more brash about your sex life, saying something like, "I always was faking it,” or, “Sex is great... just not with you."
However, the best revenge on an ex is to show him how much happier you are without him in your life, especially if you're able to score a tall dark and handsome boyfriend to shove in his face on social media. Of course, looking at funny breakup quotes or posting a petty meme to your Instagram or Facebook can help, too.
Practice some of these comebacks and roasts that will sum up your feelings about your breakup with your ex. Next time, you'll be prepared.
Here are 30 of the best roasts for your ex.
1. “Don't take this the wrong way, but I think your brain might be missing.”
2. “You look 100 percent better when I can't see you.”
3. “Waiting for you is like waiting for the rain in this drought: useless and disappointing.”
4. “You were fake. I was great. Nothing personal.”
5. “Crying after a breakup — ain't no one got time for that.”
Photo: Memecenter.com
6. “I don’t make mistakes, I date them.”
7. “Ex means thanks for the EXperience, our time has Expired, now Exit my life.”
8. “Yes, I’m smiling but you’re not the reason anymore.”
9. “Good luck finding someone who will put up with your bulls*** as well as I did.”
Photo: Someecards
10. “Relationships are a lot like algebra. Sometimes you look at your ex and wondered why?”
11. “I’m not really a b****. I just play one in your life.”
12. “The day I need a friend like you, I'll just have myself a little squat and s*** one out.”
13. “Oh, your love was fake? So were my orgasms.”
Photo: meme-fuun.blogspot.com
14. “I would tell you to go f*** yourself but I’m pretty sure you’d be disappointed.”
15. “My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.”
16. “Do you get whiplash watching me surpass you in every way?”
17. “So we're breaking up, but still can be friends? Tell me more about how our new friendship could work.”
Photo: me.me
18. “Taking your ex back is like going to a garage sale and buying back your own crap!”
19. “You're not even worth the calories I burn talking to you.”
20. “Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.”
21. “Today my professor told me every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years. How comforting it is to know one day I will have a body you will never have touched."
Photo: imgur.com
22. “I used to be f***ing stupid. But then I dumped him.”
23. “What I like best about our relationship is you’re no longer in it.”
24. “I’m sorry, I thought I unsubscribed?”
25. “There really are a lot of f***ing fish in the sea. Cheer up. Everyone can be replaced.”
Photo: Whatstatushindi.in
26. “Him: 'Hey, been a long time. Can I come over? Me: 'I already have some trash in the bin, I don't need more.'”
27. “My ex: *sends me a pic of the two of us* 'I miss you.' Me: 'Who's this?'”
28. “If you’re happy and you know it, thank you ex!”
29. “I thought you took my breath away, but I was just suffocated with your BS.”
30. “Him: 'B****.' Me: 'Ha. I've been called worse.' Him: 'Like?' Me: 'Your girlfriend.'”
Photo: Funny Journal Averie
Nicole Weaver is a Senior Writer at Showbiz Cheat Sheet and reports for New York Magazine and Teen Vogue.