2 Questions To Ask To Get Every Single Need Met In A Relationship
Wanting your needs met is not being needy.
LOOK | Canva It probably goes without saying, but when you're in a relationship (especially with someone that you really love and trust), being able to ask for what you need is incredibly vital. Seriously, there is no question that the trust that comes with having your needs taken into consideration can make or break relationships; in fact, your wants and needs are arguably two of the biggest things that you should discuss with your partner. But for some reason, people automatically assume that asking for certain things means that you're a stage-five clinger. And we're just going to have to stop you right there.
There's a reason why YourTango's Founder/CEO Andrea Miller, Imago Institute's Harville Hendrix and Helen Lakelly Hunt, Family Therapist Joyce Fine, LPC Jamie Simkins Rogers, and former Relationship Help Doctor Dr. Rhoberta Shaler have stressed that you have to fight for what you deserve. Because at the end of the day, you deserve someone who will give you the world without making you feel like you have to settle. But it's also important to remember that this goes both ways.
Here are 2 questions to ask to get every single need met in a relationship:
1. Is there a way to ask without seeming too needy?
Absolutely! You cannot expect your partner or spouse to just “get” what it is you want to talk about or what you need if you don’t give them a clue about it first! The best way to approach the topic is by being open, honest, and genuine. If your concern is a touchy subject you’re not sure how to bring up, then do your best to be as precise as possible to eliminate the possibility of confusion later on in the conversation. Approaching your spouse or significant other with your concerns is a natural part of any relationship and a healthy form of communicating with each other. Bringing up topics that you feel need to be discussed does not necessarily make you a needy person. It makes you a person who knows what you need.
2. Is being needy necessarily a bad thing?
Since when is saying what we need and telling our partners what we need a bad thing? Any man or woman you’re in a relationship with should understand that there are going to be things that you need and that expressing those needs doesn't make you clingy or whiny. Asking for help might make you feel like you’re “weak,” but admitting that you need help is never a weakness. This belief is probably just something that you are thinking about, and there’s a big chance that your partner is just being understanding and doesn’t believe it at all. In that case, you need to re-establish your own beliefs about yourself and also address your concerns with your partner so that you can begin talking to them about what you need without feeling poorly about yourself! Not only will our experts' advice on how to express your needs help you strengthen the foundation that your relationship was built on, but it'll also help you grow — together.
Andrea Miller is the founder and CEO of YourTango; host of the podcast “Open Relationships: Transforming Together;” and award-winning author of Radical Acceptance, The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love; a passionate relationship catalyst. Dr. Joyce Fine, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist, certified divorce coach, collaborative divorce facilitator, and custody evaluator. Harville Hendrix, Ph. D., is a couples therapist with over 40 years of experience as a counselor, educator, clinical trainer, author, and public lecturer and has received many awards for his work with couples. He and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, co-created Imago Relationship Therapy, a therapy for couples now practiced by over 2,200 certified therapists in 30 countries. Jamie Simkins Rogers is a Licensed Professional Counselor who focuses on relationship issues, blended family issues, anxiety, trauma, and women's issues. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor, provided urgent and ongoing care for relationships in crisis for more than 30 years. She was also the host of the Save Your Sanity Podcast.