9 (Really Dumb) Things You Shouldn't Do After A Breakup
While Swedish singing sensation Tove Lo thinks she needs to "stay high" just to get over her breakup, we strong recommend against that breakup-coping tactic. In fact, there are going to be a lot of crazy things you, in your unstable state of mind, will be tempted to do to try to keep your mind off your ex. And by crazy we mean unhealthy, dangerous and possibly illegal (eep!).
The only way you're going to get over him and move on with your life is to allow yourself experience all the emotions you're supposed to — from I-want-to-punch-you-in-the-throat anger to OMG I am so freaking lonely and pathetic sadness.
Go ahead, let yourself have a good cry (or ten or twenty). Skip showering and sulk on the sofa. Bitch about him incessantly to your best friend. Eat your weight in chocolate ice cream. It's cliche for a reason — because it's what works. It's also true that time heals all wounds … as long as you let it. (Read "10 Tips To Help You Get Over A Bad Breakup or Divorce")
Here's a look at some questionable behaviors those of us who've been through more than our fair share of horrible breakups know you should avoid at all costs:
1. Medicate with margaritas
While a few drinks with girlfriends may make you feel better for the night, you're sure to feel worse the next day — and not just from a hangover, but wondering why (OMG why?!) you told the bartender about the STD your ex gave you, why you kissed that guy in the parking lot and how you got home.
Photo: WeHeartIt
2. Over-share your biz
There's no need for a big Facebook announcement about your breakup, and there’s even less reason to post depressing, angry or threatening status updates. Nothing screams "I am pathetic" like YouTube videos of broody breakup ballads. Dignity: It's worth keeping.
Photo: WeHeartIt
3. Bed the first boy who offers
We know they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Odds are, however, that you're not picking up a nice guy at the supermarket to bring home but rather making the call after your inhibitions have been lowered by a few cocktails. This is a recipe for disaster, and by that, we mean general day-after self-loathing.
Photo: WeHeartIt
4. Retail therapy, anyone?
There aren’t many problems in this life that a hot new pair of jeans or sexy new shoes can't fix. Sure a shopping spree will fill your sad brain with happy endorphins — until your credit card bill arrives and you realize you can't fill up your gas tank. Keep any shopping sprees within reason, and remember that chocolate stimulates endorphins are loads cheaper than Choos.
Photo: WeHeartIt
5. Call or text your ex
You were together 24/7 and shared pretty much everything about your lives. Now who are you going to tell about the broken ice maker and that your favorite neighborhood pizza joint is closing? Quitting communicating cold turkey is the best way to go, at least during the first few weeks or months. Trust us, you'll get him out of your system faster this way.
Photo: WeHeartIt
6. Stalk, either cyber or IRL
Unfriend, unfollow, delete. Do whatever it takes to keep from tracking his every step and smile. Don’t kid yourself into believing you’ll be friends one day. Truth is, he's moving on and pretty soon his status updates will include his new someone special. Ouch, that’s gonna hurt. Remember: Out of sight, out of mind. So don’t drive past his home or office 10 times a day either.
Photo: WeHeartIt
7. Try to get revenge
Yes, you have nude pics of him on your laptop. Yes, you know the password to his bank account. Yes, your phones are linked on the cloud. This does not mean you should share the pics, change his passwords or delete all his contacts. File these petty actions in the "feel really stupid later" category, especially when he tells everyone you know what you did.
Photo: WeHeartIt
8. Break stuff
Don't even think about throwing your phone across the room. That little move will only cost you (as will other forms of violence against objects). If you just must break something, pick up a set of cheap dishes at a thrift store and smash them. But you're still stucking with the messy cleanup.
Photo: WeHeartIt
9. Oh, and don't key his car.
You know better.
Photo: Shecky's