The Most Realistic Back-To-School Shopping List You'll Ever See

It’s already that time of year; back-to-school time! Parents begin thinking about returning their kids to school while simultaneously dreaming of returning their houses to some semblance of normal. Preparing to return the kids to school isn’t as easy as it sounds. Doctors’ appointments have to be made for booster shots and physicals.  New clothes have to be purchased so the kids can return to school in style…or at least return to school in clothes that actually fit.

A big part of back-to-school preparations is buying school supplies.  It sounds easy but schools have become quite demanding over the years about what each student must bring to the classroom. (They’re almost as needy as your toddler.) Although most schools provide a list of what each kid needs to return to school, it’s less than accurate and often doesn’t reflect what should *really* be purchased. Because of that, I’ve decided to compile a list of my own because I'm nice like that. It’s far more accurate, and far more expensive. But hey, no one said free education was cheap.

1. An alarm clock that actually wakes them up.
2. Stain-resistant clothes.
3. Folders with tracking devices so homework can't get "lost"
4. A guide to school bus etiquette.
5. Healthy snacks they'll actually eat at lunch.
6. Double the lunch tickets you'll buy. It's never enough.
7. Notebook paper incapable of being made into airplanes.
8. Reasonably priced shoes and not the expensive ones they really want.
9. Wine. For you.
10. Organization tools to keep their desk neat and tidy.
11. Pencils that won't be sharpened down to a nub in a week.
12. A protractor that can't also be used to poke each other.
13. Gift cards for the teacher (to preemptively get on her good side.)
14. Jackets that won't get left on the bus.
15. Backpacks that are resistant to chewing gum stains.
16. Rulers that can't be used as swords.
17. Jeans with reinforced knees.
18. Deodorant. Lots of deodorant.
19. Gloves that are permanently attached to the coat.
20. A glue bottle with a lid that actually stays closed.

Hopefully this realistic list will get you started on the dreaded back-to-school shopping. Fortunately, many of these items can be purchased online, from the comfort of your home; the home that’s currently destroyed because your kids have been home all summer.

Happy shopping!