7 Honest Women Reveal What They Really Think When A Man Is Still Friends With Their Ex
Should his ex stay in the past?
Jamil Risqullah | Africa images | Canva / fizkes | Getty Images The best part about our exes is that without them we wouldn't be the people we are today, which, of course, can also be the worst thing about them, too. Whether or not we like it, our exes, although our past, can still be a very present part of our lives, even if we haven’t talked to them in years. We may be through with the past, as they say, but it doesn't mean the past is through with us.
But for some people, their ex isn't just a ghost that haunts them, but a real live person with whom they still have a close bond and friendship. To those who can still be friends with their ex they deserve a huge "kudos!" but what about their new partner? How do you feel when your boyfriend is still friends with his ex?
We asked a few women their thoughts on men who are still friends with their exes. Is it a testament to how great he is? Or is the phrase "just friends" actually code for "we're still being intimate?"
Here is what women really think when their man is still friends with their ex:
1. Out of sight, out of mind
"They might be 'friends,' but I don't really feel like being in the same room as someone who has also seen my significant other naked and isn't his mom. Probably not code for 'still doing it,' but it's unnecessary. I will throw in an exception for a high school group of friends because some groups passed each other around like a game of hot potato." — Nicole, 33
2. The feelings are platonic now
"I'm still friends with one of my exes, but he’s an ex from college and there are no feelings there at all. My boyfriend has never met him and has zero interest in doing so because he feels he might get jealous. I guess I'd feel the same way if my boyfriend were still friends with his exes. As long as I don't have to witness the private jokes and intimacy that's still there, it's OK. But he doesn't keep in touch with any of his exes so I don't have to worry about it." — Jennie, 29
3. It's all about trust and lots of it
"I never hang with my ex so it's hard to imagine... but how I feel about it depends on the relationship I have with the guy. If I have a solid one then I will be comfortable having my boyfriend stay close friends with exes. I would basically put my whole trust in the guy I am with, it's just easier on my mind that way, and I am sure is better for the relationship." — Mieko, 35
4. It's hard to keep trust
"I don't know. I'd like to think that my trust wouldn't be broken, but past relationships have taught me that trust is a hard thing to NOT have broken. It would depend on the relationship and our level of mutual trust and respect." — Courtney, 27
5. I do it, so it's cool if he does it, too... to a degree, of course
"I still meet up with exes on occasion, so I wouldn't mind if they do. There's always a line where it turns from being friendly and keeping in touch, to rekindling." — Autumn, 25
6. All my exes are still friends with me
"I'm friends with all my exes, but maybe it's because I never loved them? Anyway, I'm fine with the guy still hanging out with his ex as long as he has the relationship I have with mine." — Natalie, 26
7. Not a chance
"Based on experience, men and women can't really be friends if they have a history, so no way. I wouldn't tolerate it." — Patricia, 33
So, what about you? Are you down with your partner hanging out with their ex, or is it completely insane to put that amount of trust in someone? You have to figure that they saw something in them once, so maybe they could again. Or not. People are usually exes for a reason.
Amanda Chatel is an essayist and intimacy health writer for Yourtango, Shape Magazine, Hello Giggles, Glamour, and Harper's Bazaar.