Miley Cyrus' 'Adore You' Is More Like A Sex Tape Than Music Video

Miley Cyrus remains desperate to shock and awe, perhaps because she doesn't have much to actually say. Cyrus' latest attempt is her "Adore You" video, which features the short-haired songstress writhing around alone on a bed and simulating masturbation.

There's nothing wrong with self-love, but nudity-loving Cyrus just makes it look so incredibly unsexy: She also sucks her own thumb, bites her own skin, shows off her gums, fails miserably at bedroom eyes and bathes in water that's as cloudy as her judgment. Hot! She does all of this while clutching a Handi-Cam, as if to tell her far-off lover, "Hey, this is what I do when I miss you. Are you turned on? Am I hot? Tell me I'm pretty."

It's basically the kind of video Rihanna could nail—and already did with "California King Bed" and "Stay," which featured similar tropes.

For what it's worth, the hardest twerker in show biz was peeved this week when her new music video for "Adore You" leaked, because now she's scared she won't break a new VEVO record like she did with "We Can't Stop" and the yeast infection how-to guide that was "Wrecking Ball." Perhaps the most shocking thing she could do next is just, you know, stand there and sing.