11 Holiday Issues Gen X People Have Stopped Worrying About That Younger Generations Still Obsess Over
Why some generations aren't so cheery during the holidays.
Ziga Plahutar | Canva I'm a Gen-Xer. I want to love the holiday season and Christmas time. I mean, I love the "spirit" of the season and what it stands for... in theory. But the materialistic, consumer-driven aspect of Christmas — that I can't stand.
The pressure of the season is enormous, both externally and internally, for a multitude of reasons, and holiday stress is always present, for all generations. If you're still confused about why it's perfectly okay to hate the holidays (or you'd like some validation in knowing you're not the only one who feels that way), this list of things I've learned to let go of, as a member Gen-X, may help younger generations be a bit more mellow when it comes to the holiday season.
Here are holiday issues Gen-X people have stopped worrying about that younger generations still obsess over:
1. Spending time with the in-laws
Pressure mounts about saying, doing, and wearing the right thing. The silent judgment from family is often deafening on both sides of this relationship, causing arguments that otherwise usually wouldn't exist. One study even states that 75% of couples clash with their in-laws.
2. Family drama
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The family you usually don't see (or don’t get along with) brings with them a host of social dynamics that many don't want to deal with, even for a short visit. If you haven't seen them or spoken to them since the last family get-together, chances are there is either no real connection with that person or else there's tension.
Feeling obligated to then sit nicely and make small talk with these people you don't necessarily care for (or with whom you have unresolved issues) creates an atmosphere of tension that's ripe for drama. Even just the time before and after the holidays, anticipating (or, afterward, processing) spending time with them can stress you out.
3. Friends who don't mix well
You know them (and love them) individually, but they don't know each other, and during the holidays, everyone is going to cross paths. The mixed personalities, unknown dynamics, and silent jealousies can make things so awkward; that you never get to relax and enjoy the party.
4. Tension between "blended" families
Christmas after divorce includes stepkids, new girlfriends and boyfriends, exes invited by your friends (and they didn't tell you!) — these situations require a whole new set of communication skills.
Too many unspoken and unresolved situations just create a bad vibe for everyone.
5. Office parties
How do you act? Who should you bring with you? How many drinks is it socially acceptable to consume?
These are merely the warm-up questions because the real challenge of the event is putting a smile on your face and pretending to ignore the same giant elephant in the room that everyone else is dodging: office politics.
6. Family members discussing your romantic life
Whether it's family, friends, or nosy neighbors scrutinizing, during the holidays, who is single and who is taken is very apparent. If you're not in a committed relationship — or you don't bring someone to the gathering/party — you know this annoying, intrusive questioning is coming.
7. Holiday shopping
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Fights over parking spots, missing that last sale item, pushing past throngs of people in aisle three — everyone's patience is thinner, their tone a little curter, and their nerves a little more frazzled.
And keep in mind, this effort is all to portray yourself as a warm, generous, thoughtful, giving, and incredibly kind person in the eyes of those you love. (Anyone else see a disconnect here)?
Statistics tell us that Americans will spend an average of $900 while holiday shopping.
8. Gift-giving competitiveness
What should I get them? Is it enough? Is it on par with what they're getting me? What if they get me something and I don't get them something? And social media only creates a deeper sense of "I didn't get enough" or "I didn't give enough."
From how many gifts each one of your "friends" received to how beautifully they were wrapped, it's all going on public display. Let the Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest showdown begin.
9. Being single during the holidays
The holiday season is often especially hard for those who are not in a relationship. Feelings of social pressure, inadequacy, loneliness, or bitterness can creep up, distancing the single from the otherwise festive festivities.
10. Fights and disappointment caused by unspoken expectations
If you don't tell your partner what you want and expect during this time (not just with gifts, but regarding time spent with family, holiday traditions, time management, attending events, to-do lists, finances), you will create a mountain of tension where there was none — simply because you didn't speak up honestly.
11. Imposing our own version of "love"
We're told at a young age to treat others the way we wish to be treated, but that often doesn't work. People crave love and recognition in unique ways. But we often give love and recognition as we hope to receive it, thinking that makes others feel loved, too (when it does not).
If one person values time spent together, they'll want (read: expect) lots of quality time with you creating special holiday memories.
But if someone else values effort, they don't want time together, they want a thoughtful gift (homemade or carefully shopped for) that reflects that their wants, needs, and interests were noticed all year.
These two people will probably gift to others as they themselves wish to receive love, yet neither will actually feel cared for in the end because neither received love how they want it. So much for "it's the thought that counts."
Can we solve all of these issues? Of course not — and that is the point. The holiday season might have its good moments, but it creates a high-pressure atmosphere of You'd-Better-Get-It-Right (via luck or mind-reading). And that pressure often robs Christmas of all the joy, goodwill, and merriness it's supposed to bring. Bottom line: Remember that people don't receive love exactly the way you do.
Being single is not a crime. It's important to speak openly and honestly with those you love (not just during the holidays, but always). Communicate kindly, which means choosing your words thoughtfully and listening without judgment.
Maybe it sounds trite, but it shouldn't take a religious/Pagan/commercial holiday to inspire us to treat one another with care. Life is too short not to do these things daily.
Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert best known as the author of the acclaimed relationship book series, The Problem with Women… is Men.